Think back to the day you and your partner made the commitment to marry one another with the expectation of living happily ever after. You and your partner were stunningly happy as you spoke your vows, surrounded by family and friends, blissfully in love.
Never in your wildest dreams could you have predicted that one day you’d find yourself in the company of so many of us who reside in the 50 percent column of marriages that end in divorce. And, if this is your second or third time around, the statistics are even more grim.
We’ve all seen examples of the heartache that ensues in the aftermath of these fallouts. The nastiness of a marital partnership gone bad can be absolute Hell—for everyone in our life. The division of a household, the battle over custody if you have kids, the financial strain, and the isolation from friends, family, and social circles for one or both parties can be traumatic enough to cause us to say and do things we would never imagine when not under a cloud of desperate anxiety.
Speaking from experience, I am not proud to say that my divorces were less than amicable. People felt hurt, betrayed, abandoned, and completely drained by the time it was all over.
Now I know there’s a better way to ending a relationship and if I could go back and do it over, I would approach the entire process differently.
The first thing I would do now is get help from a professional mentor who understands the nuanced stages of the process—the legal navigation as well as the emotional ups and downs. I could have avoided some expensive and regrettable mistakes along the way.
Sure, I had an attorney, a therapist, and lots of well-meaning friends and family members who did their best to nurture me through the muck. Even so, none provided me with the guidance and tools I needed to evolve myself so I could have shown up and stood in my power while being respectful and empathetic with myself as well as my former spouse and kids.
There is a more gracious way to move through a big life transition of any kind, and sadly divorce is one of the biggest transitions anyone will ever go through. It’s not a perfect ending but it doesn’t need to be life-sucking, spiteful or filled with hatefulness either.
In my coaching practice, I have a special place in my heart for women who find themselves contemplating separation or divorce, are in the middle of, or post-divorce because I believe there’s way to get through this without feeling like you’ve been through a shredder.
Love and Light,
Michele