I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, I often found myself being told “you need an Attitude Adjustment, young lady.” Really? And just how was I supposed to do that? Like hearing those words would somehow magically give me the wisdom required to even know what an attitude adjustment even meant, let alone, know how to apply that parental wisdom to cleaning up my act! I always wanted to be snarky and say “well, maybe YOU need an Attitude Adjustment too—how do you think I got this way in the first place?!” It actually makes me laugh out loud just writing those words.
While all of us could use an Attitude Adjustment from time to time, most of us tend to justify our grumpiness, foul moods, and criticalness by pointing to reasons outside of ourselves. You know, blaming the actions or behaviors of others, the economy, politics, your neighbor’s dog, or whatever excuse you can come up with to make it not your fault you feel or act this way. It’s simply easier and feels more comfortable than taking personal responsibility for what happens in our lives.
I totally get it. I’ve spent years honing the skill of deflecting responsibility and I thought I was pretty good at it—that is, until I couldn’t stand myself anymore and decided to change my life by upleveling who I was being. And each time, because yes, I still uncover places where could be doing better (a lot of places BTW), I marvel at the fact that I hadn’t seen it before. It happens gradually, similarly to how we change our attitudes.
We know in our hearts when we’re not living up to who we’d truly like to be; and we also know when we’re not showing up at our best (because we can’t really fool ourselves—the heart always knows). It’s like having the little angle-you and the little devil-you sit on each shoulder while you’re trying to decide which action to take—it’s your choice. Always has been and always will be.
How do you find your way back to a better place?
If you’re feeling blue or really crummy about something and find your attitude plummeting in a downward spiral, it’s nearly impossible to pull yourself back up to the airiness of bliss on command (if you were ever there in the first place). I don’t recommend attempting this as a viable solution. This is how we get into a cycle of mood swings and being critical of ourselves and others.
What I do suggest is taking baby steps by doing one small thing at a time that makes you feel incrementally better. For example, when you recognize that you’re feeling awful about something, pause, take a deep breath, and do something more enjoyable in that moment—make a cup of coffee or tea, think about something or someone who makes you smile, or watch a funny cat video or reel to lighten up your mood. As your mood begins to lighten, take another step by finding things around you for which you have appreciation and gratitude. Focus on feeling better, then take another step…etc.
This takes practice, like building a muscle, especially if this is not your modus operandi. I guarantee anyone can improve if they want to. Personally, I found my personal coaches, workshops, and development books extremely helpful (and still do) as I began my transformation.
Love & Light,
Michele