“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
I’ve always loved this dialog between the Cheshire Cat and Alice from Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. It beautifully illustrates the significance of understanding one’s life goals as the initial step before embarking on any venture.
I would like to say that I’ve always put this sage advice into practice, but alas, I have not, which at times has left me floundering around and spinning during so many pivotal life moments. Fortunately, with the passage of time, I’ve gained valuable insights. Today, I’m better equipped to recognize how my lack of a clear vision unintentionally derailed my progress, whether in relationships, my career, or other aspects of life.
Most people who know me also know that I’ve seen success in my life as well, so I’m not completely throwing myself under the bus here. However, as a coach specializing in helping people improve their lives and gracefully navigate major life transitions, especially divorce, I’ve come to understand the importance of starting with a clear vision in mind. My fundamental question to those I work with is simple: “What do you envision your life looking like, feeling like, and being like once you’ve emerged from this phase?”
It might surprise you how many people find it challenging to provide a clear answer to that question. I completely get it because there was a time when I couldn’t articulate my desires either. However, now, this is a crucial cornerstone of every coach-client relationship I build.
By assisting people in identifying their personal values—a process in itself—they can begin to craft a vivid picture of their future life. What’s truly beautiful about this process is its adaptability. Your vision can evolve in harmony with your changing values, needs, and desires. For instance, you may initially envision living in a neighborhood where your children have playmates, and later, as they grow, you might aspire to reside in a place with more opportunities for adult connections.
Any life transition, especially divorce, brings along unforeseen challenges and obstacles. But by initiating the journey with a clear vision of your desired life, establishing goals and milestones, and constructing a roadmap complete with guideposts, you gain the capacity to navigate even the most perplexing circumstances, because they will arise.
Having a trusted partner, such as a coach, proves to be a remarkably effective means of bridging the gap between where you are now and where you aspire to be, often in significantly less time than if you were to embark on this journey solo.
Love and Light,
Michèle