A while back, I ran into a friend who made a rather tactless and insensitive remark to me in the aftermath of a relationship that didn’t work out.
She said “Well, you knew what you were getting into!”
Really? Does anyone know what they’re getting into when they fall in love?
Was I being judged? Yep!
Presumably, she thought this callous statement would somehow offer some comforting support to a friend in need or she simply needed to make herself feel superior because, clearly, she was far too sensible to ever find herself in a similar situation.
Spare me!
The truth is people often offer their uninvited and frequently uncaring comments and advice to others who may be going through some life-changing or traumatic event in life. I see this so much with my clients who are going through divorce, juggling difficult relationships or family dynamics, and are just trying to make it through a day at a time. There is no shortage of people who think they’re being helpful by saying the stupidest things.
Here are some of my personal favorites:
“He is such an @$&hole! He doesn’t deserve you and you’ll find someone so much better.”
“What ever compelled you to marry him in the first place? Hire a shark for an attorney and rake him over the coals.”
“I always thought she was a b!#&h—such a princess! She was just in it for the money.”
“What are you going to do now? How will you survive? You haven’t worked in 15 years, and you’ve got the kids to take care of!”
“Let’s set up a dating profile for you and get you back out there!”
Look, if you have a friend or family member dealing with something difficult and you don’t know what to say, either say nothing and save them from your unconscious, self-important discourse or ask them “How can I best support you?” And then be quiet and listen. It’s so simple.
People who are going through tough times need love, kindness, and support from friends and family rather than hurtful comments wrapped up under the guise of concern and affirmations of how cruddy they already feel. Think about how you would feel if you were in their shoes. What would be helpful for you to hear?
If you happen to be on the receiving end of some of these unsavory comments and could use some help navigating yourself into a better place, give me a call or schedule a free consultation with me today and discover a more graceful strategy and some tools for resiliency for your life-transition.
Love and Light,
Michele