Have you ever felt like your life is completely upside down? Like everything you once knew in your world—career, relationships, health, or life in general—has been swept away and you’re facing a big empty space—a void?
Remember when life held so much promise and hope, and now you’re grappling with what to do next? You are not alone.
I’ve certainly been there a few times throughout my life, especially after my last divorce. I remember thinking, “what the @#$& am I going to do?” then, “I know, I’ll just pretend I’m FINE and fill in all the time and space up with other stuff, so I don’t have to think about like all the fear, pain, and guilt I was really feeling”.
So, I filled it in with stuff like busy work, obsessing over how I would survive financially, future-tripping, overthinking what I was doing with my life, self-abandoning to allow for the needs of others, spending money on activities or things I didn’t enjoy and couldn’t afford, and finding any reason to spend time doing something rather than becoming someone I liked and wanted to be around.
When life changes dramatically, especially during a major transition like divorce, it’s easy to think, “I’ve got it all under control” even when everything around us is falling apart. To avoid the pain of feeling empty, we simply choose not to see what’s really going on all around us. Our life can literally be crumbling and all we want to do is either stay in bed all day or jump up and move on to the next thing, so we don’t have to deal with all the pain we’re feeling inside.
We often go off on tangents like starting a new business, joining multiple social groups to keep us busy, start dating before we’re ready to engage in a new relationship, read a ton of self-improvement books and then neglect to apply the tools provided (and then wonder why nothing has changed), we obsess over our age and wonder how we’ll never find love again, and we lament over our bad luck to anyone who will listen. This is not helpful nor is it effective. And through it all, we forget who we are. We forget to forgive ourselves and forget we are worthy of a better life, and that we matter…as if that were something we had ever learned to do earlier in life.
Finding ways to distract yourself is different than finding meaningful activities and spending time with people who authentically bring joy into your life. Getting yourself prepared from within to gracefully move in the direction of a new relationship, financial stability, or an encore career creates a foundation for lasting change. And CHANGE is essential unless you are committed to making the same choices and mistakes over and over again.
Most of us are not programmed to invite change into our lives without some help—we don’t quiet our minds enough to even know when a change is needed. Having learned the hard way, I finally discovered that by investing time and money into myself, I could achieve goals I never thought possible…and a lot faster than if I had tried it on my own. Simply having someone in your corner, being open to seeing things from a different perspective, taking personal responsibility for your life, and being open to growth, your void will fade away making space for the life of your dreams.
Love & Light
