When I was little, my entire family called me Shelley. I was Shelley to my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbor kids, and more. And for me, last names were only used for differentiating which set of grandparents were being referred to—i.e. Grandma Heffron or Grandma Gamache. I don’t think I made the connection that Heffron was somehow attached to my name until the first day of First Grade at St. Paul’s School in Yakima.
In a classroom filled with a bunch of kids I didn’t know, all dressed in their school uniforms, Sister Mary Margaret was taking attendance. As she made her way through to the alphabet, the name Michèle Heffron was called. It didn’t ring a bell, so I didn’t respond. Again, she called Michèle Heffron, and again, I didn’t respond. So, the know-it-all boy in front of me turned around noting the name tag taped on the desk, and pointing at me, asked “isn’t that you?” (busybody, alphabet-knowing, over-achiever!)
For the first time, at the ripe old age of 6, I learned my real name! What else didn’t I know? First grade was sure to bring on new insights! That evening during dinner, my dad asked about my first day of school, and with all the courage I could muster up, said “it would have been nice if someone had told me my name was Michèle Heffron.”
What I had learned up until then was that my name was Shelley. I had no reason to believe otherwise. It’s a silly story, but in truth, it illustrates how our own beliefs and perceptions in life are formed.
If we’ve learned or been conditioned to believe something is true, then it’s true for us…it doesn’t make it a fact, it just means it’s true for us. For example, if you’re told things like girls aren’t good at math, or boys shouldn’t cry, or children should be seen and not heard, or your race or culture is superior/inferior to others, or nothing ever good happens, or marriage is hard, or you must work 10 hours a day to make any decent money, or you’re a bully/nice girl/screw-up, etc. you begin to believe and to behave that way.
And why do we do this? So many reasons really, but mostly because that’s what we’ve learned, and we choose to believe it.
Sadly, most of our beliefs and perceptions, in fact upwards of 95% of them, become rooted in our subconscious minds and are pretty much running the show for us and we don’t even know it! Thus, when you’re trying to make some changes in your life, like losing a few pounds, eliminating unwanted or unhealthy habits, or experiencing a major life or career transition, you might get off to a good start only to find yourself falling back into your old ways just a few days or weeks (or hours) into the process. Typically, this has to do with your subconscious mind getting a hold of you saying things like “you’re too weak/stupid/lazy, etc. and will never change so you may as well give up now. Some people will try to convince you of having a lack of willpower, but really there’s a bit more to it.
To your credit, change is uncomfortable. That’s why people in the personal growth industry say things like “you have to get out of your comfort zone and become someone else in order to change”. Easier said than done!
What you often don’t hear is that you must make a non-negotiable decision about becoming who you want to be and then behave as if your goal is already fulfilled—i.e. envisioning yourself already weighing 20 pounds less for example. And this requires daily application until it becomes engrained in your subconscious mind. It also requires believing in yourself and being willing to try some new things—like meditation, serious self-reflection, and getting help from someone like a coach.
Honestly, I could go on and on about this because over the years, I’ve become obsessed with creating change in my own life and now help others who are ready to do the same in theirs. I’ve also learned through the process of evolving and expanding that it’s a process and as much as I’d like to think I’ve got it all down, I’m constantly finding opportunities for growth.
If you are ready to start becoming the person you desire to be and don’t know where to start, schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about how the support of a coach can help you get from where you are to where you want to be. Send me an email or simply schedule time here to get started on your new life.
Receive a list of Tips for Change, click below.
Love and Light,
Receive your copy of the 10 Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships click here.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
Learn more about Michèle: www.micheleheffron.com;
Schedule your free consultation with Michèle.
Listen to her podcast: Getting to the Heart on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.