Unicorns, Cauldrons, and Control: Why It’s Time to Focus on You
Are you a “Fixer”? We all know one, in fact, chances are you’ve done your fair share of trying to fix, change, or control someone in order to make them fit into your life. You know the drill, “If only they would change, everything would be perfect.” Or “If only his kids or his ex-wife wasn’t so needy, our life would be blissful.”
I have a friend who blows through men like the Antarctic wind. She seems to have no problem attracting them, but within a few weeks of their meeting, it becomes apparent to her that “he” simply needs to change if he’s going to meet her imagined standards.
As the Supreme Fixer, she rushes in on her White Unicorn to single-handedly pull him out of the abyss of misery he’s so clearly in to begin fueling the cauldron of chaos that will magically transform him into the man she thinks he needs to be (ok, maybe the White Unicorn and the cauldron are a stretch, but you get the point).
Here’s the real secret she and all of us other “Fixers” in the world seem to miss: Trying to change someone else is arrogant and pointless. The true power lies in focusing on yourself and your own patterns.
The Control Freak’s Dilemma: Spoiler, It’s Futile!
Trying to change someone else is like attempting to control the tide. People are complex beings with their own journeys and struggles. Your energy is precious and expending it on molding someone else is not only exhausting but also fruitless.
Imagine what would happen if you redirected that energy towards your own growth. That’s where the real transformation begins, and it’s where you’ll find the peace and fulfillment you’re seeking.
Reflect, Don’t Deflect: Own Your Stuff
Self-reflection is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal. It’s akin to holding up a mirror to your soul, examining your own behaviors, patterns, and triggers. It’s not always comfortable, in fact I know it’s not, but it’s incredibly rewarding.
Ask yourself, “Why do I feel the need to change this person? What am I hoping to achieve?” Often, this need arises from a place of control, fear, or avoidance of our own issues. By digging deep and being honest with yourself, you uncover the root of your feelings and begin to understand the true source of your dissatisfaction.
Actions Speak Louder: Show, Don’t Tell
True leadership is about setting an example, not dictating change. When you focus on your own growth and development, you naturally inspire others to follow suit. Your actions speak louder than any words, and your journey of self-improvement becomes a beacon for those around you.
When you witness someone thriving and living authentically, doesn’t it motivate you to do the same? Your journey can have a similar impact on others. By embodying the change, you wish to see, you become a catalyst for transformation.
Drop the Drama: Freedom in Letting Go
Letting go of the need to change someone else is incredibly liberating. It’s like shedding a heavy burden you’ve been carrying for far too long. This act of release allows you to focus on what truly matters—your own growth and happiness.
Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It means you start caring in a healthier, more constructive way. You accept people for who they are and focus on creating a life that brings you joy and fulfillment. This shift in focus opens space for new opportunities and experiences that align with your true self.
It Starts with You: Your Growth Impacts Others
Personal growth is contagious. When you focus on improving yourself, everything around you begins to shift. Your energy changes, your perspective broadens, and you become a magnet for positivity and growth. Others are naturally drawn to this energy, and your journey inspires them to embark on their own paths of self-discovery and improvement.
By committing to your own growth, you inadvertently uplift those around you, creating an environment that fosters collective well-being and development.
Adventure Awaits: Embrace Your Path
Remember, this is a journey, not a destination. Embrace the ups and downs, the growth and setbacks. Each step you take towards focusing on yourself brings you closer to a more fulfilling and authentic life. In doing so, you create a ripple effect that touches everyone around you.
So, let go of the need to fix or change others. Focus on your own beautiful journey. Trust in the process and watch as the magic unfolds. You’ve got this, and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.