As I was journaling and listening to music this morning, Cristofori’s Dream by David Lanz drifted over my morning coffee spurring a memory from many years ago. I was sitting alone in my dining room in a house where I felt like a stranger. A stranger to myself.
Who had I become? Where had the effervescent, vibrant, polished Michèle gone?
I remember feeling desperate to become more than the life I was living—a housewife who ran the school auction and drove the carpool to whatever the sport of the season happened to be. Somehow my life, that once held so much promise, had eroded into a dismal pool of melted dreams where I felt stripped of my self-worth and exiled to a life unfulfilled.
I needed to feel like I had some purpose, some independence where I was earning a little of my own money. Having had a career in fashion and news media prior to leaping into stay-at-home mom-hood, a friend convinced me to become a clothing rep for a line of high-end designer women’s apparel. Much to my husband’s protests, I embarked on what I now see as the first step in taking back my life.
I remember feeling so hopeless in that dining room surrounded by things and furniture I didn’t love along with racks of beautiful clothing I was to sell to customers who didn’t show up. To say I felt a bit defeated would be an understatement. All I wanted to do was run away to a new life, at least a life where I felt free and alive again.
As I reflected on this gloomy time in my life, I marveled at just how much had changed over the past 15 years. I could never have known, back then, that what would emerge from that seed of darkness would be a ray of pure light leading to an amazing new life that continues to unfold before my very eyes. Even with the stretches of what feels like seasons of drought, the light of goodness always comes back in such unexpected ways. I’m learning to let go and let it flow.
For me, leaving a marriage that wasn’t working and launching into the great unknown to essentially start over was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. And yet somehow, I knew, even when I was balled up on the floor sobbing over some heartbreaking pitfall, that God always had my back (and still does), and that I would be ok.
If this resonates at all, I hope this memory of mine has been of service to you. If you’re ready to rediscover yourself, schedule a free consultation with me today and together we can explore what’s possible for you.
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Love and Light,
Michèle