We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes two to tango,” but when a marriage hits the rocks, it’s tempting to point the finger at our partner and say, “It was definitely their fault.” It’s easier to dwell on what they did wrong than to take a good, long look in the mirror. But if we want to grow, heal, and create healthier relationships in the future, we must muster the courage to look within and own our part in the breakdown.
Now, before you roll your eyes and think this is just another lecture on how you’re to blame for everything, let’s get one thing straight: Self-reflection isn’t about shaming yourself or shouldering all the responsibility. It’s about empowering yourself. When we acknowledge our role, we open the door to awareness, growth, and, most importantly, change.
Consider this: What if your next relationship could be your best one yet, simply because you took the time to understand what went wrong in the last one? It’s not about revisiting the past to wallow in guilt; it’s about learning from it.
Let’s say, for example, you realize that you tended to avoid conflict—I can certainly relate to this—sweeping issues under the rug until they piled up and turned into a full-blown mess. Recognizing this habit isn’t a ticket to beat yourself up; it’s an invitation to do things differently next time. Maybe you’ll learn to communicate your needs more openly, or perhaps you’ll work on developing a tolerance for those uncomfortable conversations that are crucial for any relationship.
Self-reflection also allows us to see our blind spots—the things we might have been too close to notice. Did you prioritize your career over your marriage without realizing it? Did you expect your partner to read your mind instead of clearly expressing what you needed? These are the kinds of insights that self-reflection can bring to light, and with them comes the opportunity to grow and do better in the future.
So, here’s the bottom line: We all have room for improvement, and that’s not a bad thing. By embracing self-reflection with a healthy dose of compassion (and a sprinkle of humor), we can break free from old patterns and pave the way for relationships that are more fulfilling and resilient.
After all, the best way to avoid stepping on the same old landmines is to finally recognize where they’re lying in wait. And that’s a lesson worth learning—no matter how many times we’ve tangoed before.
Ready to learn a new dance? Schedule your free consultation with me today and together we’ll discover a new dance.
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Love and Light,
Michèle