There was a time in my life when I was the Queen of Blame. I mean, if someone hurt me, they were absolutely going to hear about it. I’d replay every wrong, every sharp word, and make sure that person (and anyone else who would listen) knew just how much damage they’d caused. I felt justified in my anger—after all, they were the ones who shot the arrow, right?
And then, one day, I stumbled upon this quote by Pema Chödrön:
“If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart.”
That quote made me feel a little indignant, after all, what does a Buddhist Nun know about being hurt? Upon learning more about the life this woman had experienced, I had to admit, she had a point. Here I was, holding on so tightly to all the ways people had hurt me, standing there shouting about the arrows without even acknowledging the fact that I was the one still standing there, wounded. My energy was all focused on them—the shooters—rather than where it really needed to be. On the fact that I had an arrow in my heart and was doing absolutely nothing to heal it.
The truth is, it’s easier to play the victim. There’s a certain comfort in it because when you’re the victim, you don’t have to take responsibility for anything. It’s always someone else’s fault. But living in that space was also exhausting, draining, and kept me stuck in a cycle of pain.
It took me a while—longer than I’d like to admit—but eventually, I began to realize that pointing fingers wasn’t getting me anywhere. I was still in pain, and my heart was still wounded. So, I made a bold decision to change. Instead of standing there waiting for someone else to fix me, I started looking at the arrow. Not just the surface wound, but deeper—at the old stories I was telling myself, the fears I hadn’t addressed, the parts of myself I didn’t want to face.
Taking responsibility for my healing didn’t happen overnight. It was a process (and still is), messy at times, and filled with moments where I wanted to go back to blaming others. But slowly, I began to see that I had more control over my life than I thought. I could choose to keep living in pain, or I could take that arrow out and start healing. This shift also helped me not let new arrows pierce so deeply anymore. It was about recognizing my own patterns, and taking responsibility for my reactions, my choices, and ultimately, my future.
This transformation allowed me to move through the world with more grace and resilience. And it’s made room in my heart for so much more than I ever thought possible—more love, more joy, and yes, even forgiveness.
So, as we head into the end of the year—a time when we reflect on where we’ve been and where we want to go—I invite you to consider the arrows you’re still carrying. Maybe it’s time to stop shouting at the people who’ve hurt you and start focusing on your own healing.
Love and Light,
Michele
If you’re ready to shift your perspective and open your heart to what’s possible, let’s talk. Schedule a free consultation with me, and together we can start creating the life you truly deserve.