I’ll admit it—I’ve spent a good chunk of my life saying yes when I desperately wanted to say no. Not because I really wanted to go along with someone else’s plan or because I didn’t have my own opinion, but because I was terrified of being seen as selfish. I was afraid of the judgment, of the disappointment etched on someone else’s face.
I think back to all the little moments. Saying yes to splitting a meal I didn’t want because I didn’t want to seem difficult. Agreeing to plans when all I needed was a quiet evening to recharge. Staying in a relationship that no longer felt right, where the connection was frayed, and the misalignment was undeniable. Each yes felt small in the moment, but they added up, like stitching together a suit that never quite fit. I told myself it was fine, that I could adjust, but the truth was—it was suffocating. And with every thread, I moved further away from the person I truly was.
And here’s the thing—they were all small yeses at the time. Tiny decisions I convinced myself didn’t matter much. But over time, those small yeses built a wall, brick by brick, between the life I was living and the life I truly wanted. And the cost of those yeses wasn’t just frustration or fatigue—it was something deeper. It drained me of my energy, my passion, and my connection to who I was at my core.
The Battle Within
What’s even trickier is that once you’ve spent years saying yes out of fear, you start to turn that fear inward. Even when your heart is screaming yes to something you long for—an adventure, a passion project, a bold leap into the unknown—your mind whispers, Don’t be foolish. Be practical. What if it doesn’t work out?
It’s an exhausting dance, isn’t it? The constant tug-of-war between your true self and the self you think the world expects you to be. We spend so much time bending ourselves into shapes we were never meant to take, all to avoid the discomfort of saying no or the fear of stepping outside the lines.
But here’s what I’ve learned: those who truly love us, who see us for who we are, will never ask us to betray ourselves. They won’t demand we trade our authenticity for their comfort.
The Cost of Betraying Ourselves
Every time we say yes when we mean no, a tiny piece of our energy, our life force, drains away. It’s not always obvious at first. Maybe we chalk it up to being tired or stressed, or we convince ourselves we’re doing the right thing by keeping the peace. But over time, that depletion becomes undeniable.
Our souls grow weary from the constant disconnection. The very spark that makes us feel alive—our creativity, our passion, our joy—dims when we force ourselves into a life that doesn’t align with who we are.
Stepping Back into Alignment
Learning to say no isn’t just about setting boundaries with others—it’s about setting boundaries with ourselves. It’s about pausing long enough to ask: What do I truly want? What feels right for me? What aligns with my values and my joy?
This isn’t easy work, especially if you’ve spent years—or decades—putting others first. But it’s necessary if you want to live a life that feels like yours. And here’s the good news: it’s never too late to start.
Your Next Step
If any of this resonates with you, I want you to know that you’re not alone. This is something so many of us face, and it’s not a journey you have to navigate by yourself.
If you’re ready to start letting your yes, be yes and your no, be no—to start living in alignment with who you really are.
Schedule a free consultation with me today, and let’s explore how you can start saying yes to yourself. Because the life you’re meant for is waiting—it’s just on the other side of that first courageous no.
Love and Light,
Michèle Heffron
Getting to the Heart – Who You Are and What You’re Meant For
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