Divorce is messy. It’s emotional. And let’s face it—sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we let our worst instincts take the wheel. But when it comes to our kids, those moments of weakness can leave lasting scars.
I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve felt the frustration and fear that divorce brings, and I’ll admit it—I didn’t always handle it the way I wish I had. I let my annoyance with my ex dictate my behavior. I let my anxiety and fear spill over onto my kids. I wanted them on my side, as if there was ever supposed to be a side. I didn’t see, in those moments, how deeply unfair that was—not just to them, but to myself.
Looking back, I realize that what my kids needed most wasn’t for me to win or prove a point. They needed me to show up for them as their mom, to reassure them that they were safe and loved, and that I could handle the hard stuff so they didn’t have to.
The Impact of Putting Kids in the Middle
When parents let their kids get caught in the crossfire of a divorce, the damage can run deep. Kids of all ages—from toddlers to grown adults—are deeply affected by high-conflict situations.
When kids are made to feel like messengers between parents, they internalize the tension. They may feel torn, confused, or responsible for keeping the peace. Constant conflict between parents can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety, and in some cases, even depression.
Disparaging the other parent, even subtly, sends a damaging message: that one of the two people your child loves most in the world isn’t good enough. It creates loyalty conflicts, guilt, and emotional turmoil that no child should have to bear.
And here’s something else that’s often overlooked: when kids are dragged into the drama, they’re given opportunities to manipulate the situation. They may play one parent against the other, not because they’re bad kids, but because they’re trying to survive in a world that feels out of control.
What Your Kids Really Need
Your kids don’t need you to be perfect, but they need you to be present. They need to know that no matter what’s happening between you and their other parent, you are their constant.
Reassure them that they’re loved and that everything will be okay. Let them know they’re not responsible for fixing things, taking care of you, or choosing sides. They are kids—they deserve to feel safe, supported, and free to love both parents without guilt.
It’s not easy to rise above the emotions of divorce. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to bite your tongue or keep your cool when your ex is pushing every button you have. But your kids are watching. They’re learning from how you handle this moment.
My Wish for You—and for Them
If I could go back, I’d change so many things. I’d hold onto my power instead of giving it away in moments of frustration. I’d focus on my kids’ needs instead of my own fear and anxiety. I’d remind them, over and over, that they didn’t need to worry about me because I could handle it.
And that’s my wish for you. You don’t have to get it perfect—none of us do. But you can decide, starting today, to show up differently. To choose love over conflict, reassurance over blame, and maturity over impulsiveness.
If you’re struggling with this, you’re not alone. Divorce is hard and navigating it with kids makes it even harder. But you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
I help parents just like you create a path forward that’s healthier for you and your kids. Let’s work together to rewrite the story and help you step into the best version of yourself during this transition.
Schedule a free consultation with me today, and let’s talk about how we can get there together. Because your kids deserve your best—and so do you.
Love and Light,
Michèle Heffron
Getting to the Heart – Who You Are and What You’re Meant For
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