by micheleheffron | Dec 13, 2023 | Reflection, Relationship Advice
As a coach and dedicated believer in journaling, I wanted to share some thoughts behind the importance of incorporating this practice into your daily life.
In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, especially during the holidays, finding moments of tranquility can seem like an elusive pursuit. However, there’s a simple yet profoundly effective tool that can help you navigate the chaos with poise and enhance your well-being: journaling.
Stress, Meet Your Match
Life’s pressures can often feel overwhelming, leading to stress that takes a toll on both our physical and mental health. Journaling acts as a powerful antidote to this modern malaise. By putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), you engage in a therapeutic process of self-expression. The act of journaling allows you to externalize your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, creating a safe space to process and make sense of life’s challenges.
When faced with stress, the act of writing has been shown to reduce cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress. This simple yet profound activity helps to clear mental clutter, providing clarity and fostering a sense of control over your emotions.
Confidence Unleashed
Beyond stress relief, journaling serves as a potent tool for boosting confidence and self-esteem. By chronicling your achievements, no matter how small, you create a tangible record of your successes. This retrospective view acts as a reminder of your capabilities and strengths, reinforcing a positive self-image.
Additionally, the act of setting and documenting goals in your journal can be transformative. As you witness your progress over time, a sense of accomplishment takes root, fueling your self-assurance. Journaling allows you to celebrate victories, learn from setbacks, and chart a course towards personal growth with a renewed sense of confidence.
The Science Behind the Scribbles
Research consistently underscores the therapeutic benefits of journaling. Studies have shown that expressive writing can improve mood, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and enhance overall well-being. The act of putting pen to paper engages different cognitive processes than typing on a keyboard, deepening the reflective and meditative aspects of the practice.
Getting Started: Tips for Effective Journaling
- Set aside dedicated time: Carve out a few minutes each day to devote to your journal. Consistency is key. Personally, I start my morning with meditation, journaling, and a visit to the gym.
- Write freely: Let your thoughts flow without judgment. Your journal is a judgment-free zone. This was one of the most difficult parts for me when I first started my practice, but now, I know the words are just for me so it doesn’t matter how illegible my writing, just as long as I write.
- Explore different styles: Experiment with gratitude journaling, goal setting, or stream-of-consciousness writing to discover what resonates with you.
- Include positive affirmations: Counter negative thoughts with positive affirmations to cultivate a more optimistic mindset. This can be a challenge, especially when it’s hard to find something positive to say…dig deeper.
- Reflect on your entries: Periodically review your past entries to track your progress and identify patterns. I am often astonished when I go back to review something I’d written a year or two earlier to discover many changes that have taken place in the span of time based on those very words.
In a world that often moves too fast, taking a moment to journal can be a revolutionary act of self-care. Whether you’re seeking stress relief, a confidence boost, a place to pour out your sorrows, or simply a way to capture the richness of your inner world, journaling is a versatile and accessible tool at your disposal.
So, this holiday season, let the ink flow, and watch as your stress dissipates and your confidence soars. If you don’t know where to start, click here to download a free copy [Michèle will work on getting this created] of my favorite Journaling Prompts to inspire your writing.
Love & Light
Michèle
Michèle’s Favorite Things: After trying out dozens of journals over the years, I like this one the best: Jumping Fox Design
by micheleheffron | Dec 6, 2023 | christmas, divorce, family, hoildays, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice, thanksgiving
Today would have been Doreen’s (aka Mom’s) 86th birthday, so to honor her I’d like to take a little stroll down memory lane to share some of the highlights of Holidays with the Heffron’s (circa 1977).
The following scenario or some version of it typically took place on the first Sunday of December, which usually coincides with the first Sunday of Advent—another big deal in my house which included an Advent wreath assembled that very morning in the Church Hall after Mass.
We all knew what was coming later that day and braced ourselves for the annual recreation of Doreen’s version of decking the halls Norman Rockwell style (spoiler alert…it never quite turned-out way she envisioned).
With Bing Crosby’s rendition of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” playing on the old record player, the big question of the day was “to flock or not to flock.” It may seem trivial to some, but in the Heffron house, there were two camps – green or white? While the rest of us wanted green, Doreen wanted white; and white is what we got. A fully flocked tree where nary a needle could be detected, white lights, and shiny red balls, each skillfully positioned and tied with a red ribbon. There were no hand-made ornaments, strings of popcorn, and absolutely no tinsel to be had! And kids were unauthorized to decorate unless they passed the bow-tying requirements.
Mic (aka Dad) would haul the tree up to our big deck, somehow hook up the old canister vacuum cleaner to a bag of wet white stuff and set the device to blow out air rather than to suck things up. Only my brother was allowed outside when this special ritual was taking place and inevitably, the hose would detach spraying fake snow all over my dad, brother, and the large windows that flanked our deck. It was a mess and I’m sure the neighbors 3 blocks away could hear my dad’s “Christmas Spirt.”
While all the “White Christmas” frivolity and outdoor light stringing was taking place outside, my sister and I were in the kitchen helping Doreen with the cookies. My mother had little patience for the messiness that accompanies cookie decorating so that activity was always quickly halted and replaced by the making of fudge and our famous popcorn balls—a staple Christmas treat in the Heffron House. The crunchy and gooey goodness of perfectly popped popcorn, Karo syrup, sugar, butter, vanilla, and of course, red and green food coloring was truly a highlight during the season, and a tradition that lives on today! A healthy snack for sure!
As if cookies, fudge, and popcorn balls weren’t enough for the day, it was time for pie baking—the nemesis of the season for my mother. Whoever coined the phrase “easy as pie” never met Doreen. There on the counter sat the red and white Betty Crocker cookbook opened to the pie dough page. It looked easy enough, but no, not so much. Pie dough was not Doreen’s forte, often sparking a heated battle between dough and Doreen. I’m not sure, but I seem to recall pieces of pastry dough being flung in frustration across the kitchen hitting whatever stood in its way, once missing its intended target, and startling our little dog, Buffy. It was not pretty and eventually, much to Doreen’s dismay and delight, I took over the task of holiday pie baking.
Now, while all this was going on, my brother, having cleaned up after the vacuum explosion, could be found in a corner of the kitchen quietly concocting rum balls. Yes, 151 proof rum balls! Little delicious balls of melted chocolate, Vanilla Wafers, more Karo syrup, more sugar, a splash of vanilla, and a lot more rum than the recipe called for. His stealth demeanor quickly turned to giggles, then to hysterical slurred words delighting in his creation. Of course, Doreen wasn’t all so joyful about his escapades, but Dad was right there volunteering to taste-test the high-octane confections. I thought it all made for a jollier family!
At end of the day and thoroughly exhausted, we joined around our kitchen table anticipating the joyful season ahead. The first candle of the Advent wreath was lit, and we all enjoyed a yummy warm dinner together, shared a few laughs about the day, then settled by the fire to watch the Carpenter’s Christmas show on TV.
We weren’t anything like the families depicted in Normal Rockwell’s beautiful illustrations, and no matter how hard Doreen worked to create the illusion of perfection, we were simply us. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and looking back, I can see that we were perfect in our own imperfection. Just the way we were meant to be.
Both Doreen and Mic are no longer with us, but their spirits live on and I’m grateful to have these memories to share with you all. I hope you’ve enjoyed a glimpse into my life as a teen and that my little story has brought a little chuckle of joy.
This holiday season, let go of your ideas of perfection and give the gift of you—your authentic and imperfect self—to those you love (and maybe even the ones you don’t).
Love and Light,
Michèle
by micheleheffron | Nov 29, 2023 | christmas, divorce, family, hoildays, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice, thanksgiving, Travel
As the holiday season approaches, I understand how challenging this time of year can be, especially if you’re going through a divorce. The festivities often emphasize togetherness and family, making it a poignant reminder of the changes in one’s personal life. However, it’s essential to remember that self-care and emotional well-being should remain a priority during this period of transition.
I know I covered this topic last month, but the story stirred up quite a few responses, so I thought the topic was worthy of a retake.
Here are a few insights and tips to help you prepare emotionally for divorce during the holidays:
- Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Acknowledge and embrace your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or a mix of both. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what once was. Allow yourself the time and space to feel and process these emotions without judgment.
- Create New Traditions: While it may be challenging to maintain old traditions, consider creating new ones that resonate with your current situation. This could involve spending time with supportive friends, engaging in activities you enjoy, or even taking a solo trip to reflect and recharge.
- Lean on Your Support System: Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. Share your thoughts and feelings with friends, family, a therapist, or coach who can provide a listening ear and valuable guidance. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
- Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, self-care can be a powerful tool in maintaining balance.
- Set Realistic Expectations: The holidays may not be picture-perfect, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the season. Focus on what you can control and let go of the pressure to meet societal or self-imposed standards.
Remember, healing is a process, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself. By prioritizing your emotional well-being and taking intentional steps to navigate the holidays, you can find a sense of peace and lay the foundation for a healthier future.
Wishing you strength, resilience, and moments of joy during this holiday season.
Love and Light
Michèle
by micheleheffron | Nov 23, 2023 | divorce, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice
I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, I often found myself being told “you need an Attitude Adjustment, young lady.” Really? And just how was I supposed to do that? Like hearing those words would somehow magically give me the wisdom required to even know what an attitude adjustment even meant, let alone, know how to apply that parental wisdom to cleaning up my act! I always wanted to be snarky and say “well, maybe YOU need an Attitude Adjustment too—how do you think I got this way in the first place?!” It actually makes me laugh out loud just writing those words.
While all of us could use an Attitude Adjustment from time to time, most of us tend to justify our grumpiness, foul moods, and criticalness by pointing to reasons outside of ourselves. You know, blaming the actions or behaviors of others, the economy, politics, your neighbor’s dog, or whatever excuse you can come up with to make it not your fault you feel or act this way. It’s simply easier and feels more comfortable than taking personal responsibility for what happens in our lives.
I totally get it. I’ve spent years honing the skill of deflecting responsibility and I thought I was pretty good at it—that is, until I couldn’t stand myself anymore and decided to change my life by upleveling who I was being. And each time, because yes, I still uncover places where could be doing better (a lot of places BTW), I marvel at the fact that I hadn’t seen it before. It happens gradually, similarly to how we change our attitudes.
We know in our hearts when we’re not living up to who we’d truly like to be; and we also know when we’re not showing up at our best (because we can’t really fool ourselves—the heart always knows). It’s like having the little angle-you and the little devil-you sit on each shoulder while you’re trying to decide which action to take—it’s your choice. Always has been and always will be.
How do you find your way back to a better place?
If you’re feeling blue or really crummy about something and find your attitude plummeting in a downward spiral, it’s nearly impossible to pull yourself back up to the airiness of bliss on command (if you were ever there in the first place). I don’t recommend attempting this as a viable solution. This is how we get into a cycle of mood swings and being critical of ourselves and others.
What I do suggest is taking baby steps by doing one small thing at a time that makes you feel incrementally better. For example, when you recognize that you’re feeling awful about something, pause, take a deep breath, and do something more enjoyable in that moment—make a cup of coffee or tea, think about something or someone who makes you smile, or watch a funny cat video or reel to lighten up your mood. As your mood begins to lighten, take another step by finding things around you for which you have appreciation and gratitude. Focus on feeling better, then take another step…etc.
This takes practice, like building a muscle, especially if this is not your modus operandi. I guarantee anyone can improve if they want to. Personally, I found my personal coaches, workshops, and development books extremely helpful (and still do) as I began my transformation.
Love & Light,
Michele
by micheleheffron | Nov 22, 2023 | divorce, family, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice, thanksgiving
As we approach Thanksgiving and before the holiday hustle and bustle takes over, I want to express my heartfelt thanks for being a part of my online community.
To some people, launching into my encore career at this time in life seemed a bit risky and maybe a little crazy. But for me, becoming a coach to help others navigate through challenging life situations, was a calling I neglected to listen to for so many years. Connecting with you all through my writing has been an unexpected and joyful bonus allowing me to creatively express myself through words.
Many of you have responded to my stories with kindness and compassion and even shared your personal experiences exposing your own vulnerabilities. Your support has been a constant source of inspiration and encouragement, and I’m deeply appreciative of the time you’ve invested in reading my emails, sharing your thoughts, and engaging in meaningful conversations.
I’m thankful for the moments we’ve shared, the insights you’ve provided, and the relationships we’ve forged. Our interactions have been a source of growth and learning for me, and I hope they’ve been equally rewarding for you.
This Thanksgiving, my heart is full because of you. Your loyalty and engagement have made this journey a truly special one. I look forward to many more meaningful exchanges and connections in the future.
Wishing you a Thanksgiving filled with warmth, gratitude, and the joy of shared moments.
Love and Light,
Michèle
