Growing up, I always believed I could change the world. Inspired by the movements of my youth—peace rallies, bold voices, and a deep yearning for unity—I carried a dream in my heart. I wanted to do something to make a difference, no matter how small.
At just 10 years old, I saved up my allowance to buy a POW bracelet. The cheap copper turned my wrist green, but I wore it proudly. It wasn’t about the metal; it was about the meaning—the belief that even the smallest gestures could spark change.
That belief never left me.
I think back to the Coca-Cola commercial with its hopeful tune, “I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.” It wasn’t just a catchy melody; it was a vision of what could be—a world where peace and unity were more than fleeting ideals.
Fast-forward to now, and the world often feels as turbulent as it did then. Yet I still believe in the power of small, intentional actions to spark ripples of change.Maybe that’s why I’ve found my purpose as a coach—helping people find their own harmony, one choice at a time.
It wasn’t always clear. Like many, I followed the “expected” path: college, career, marriage, family.
While meaningful, those milestones didn’t fulfill the deeper calling I felt inside. No one told me to discover my passion—to ask myself, “What brings you joy? What change can you bring to the world?”
When I finally stopped and listened, the answer was simple: I wanted to help others create lives they love. To help them find their unique harmony.
Imagine for a moment: What if you made one small change today? A simple act of gratitude. A bold choice to follow your dreams. A quiet moment to reflect on what you truly want.
Change doesn’t have to be revolutionary to matter.
A small ripple can lead to waves you never imagined.
This Thanksgiving season, as the world reflects on gratitude and giving, let’s also reflect on what we’re building—for ourselves and each other. We may not always be able to change the world in sweeping ways, but we can create ripples that inspire, uplift, and grow.
So, I’ll ask you: What’s one small thing you could do today to start your ripple?
Love and Light,
Michele
If you’re ready to explore the possibilities, I’d love to support you.
Together, we can uncover the harmony that’s waiting in your life.
Today would have been Doreen’s (aka Mom’s) 86th birthday, so to honor her I’d like to take a little stroll down memory lane to share some of the highlights of Holidays with the Heffron’s (circa 1977).
The following scenario or some version of it typically took place on the first Sunday of December, which usually coincides with the first Sunday of Advent—another big deal in my house which included an Advent wreath assembled that very morning in the Church Hall after Mass.
We all knew what was coming later that day and braced ourselves for the annual recreation of Doreen’s version of decking the halls Norman Rockwell style (spoiler alert…it never quite turned-out way she envisioned).
With Bing Crosby’s rendition of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” playing on the old record player, the big question of the day was “to flock or not to flock.” It may seem trivial to some, but in the Heffron house, there were two camps – green or white? While the rest of us wanted green, Doreen wanted white; and white is what we got. A fully flocked tree where nary a needle could be detected, white lights, and shiny red balls, each skillfully positioned and tied with a red ribbon. There were no hand-made ornaments, strings of popcorn, and absolutely no tinsel to be had! And kids were unauthorized to decorate unless they passed the bow-tying requirements.
Mic (aka Dad) would haul the tree up to our big deck, somehow hook up the old canister vacuum cleaner to a bag of wet white stuff and set the device to blow out air rather than to suck things up. Only my brother was allowed outside when this special ritual was taking place and inevitably, the hose would detach spraying fake snow all over my dad, brother, and the large windows that flanked our deck. It was a mess and I’m sure the neighbors 3 blocks away could hear my dad’s “Christmas Spirt.”
While all the “White Christmas” frivolity and outdoor light stringing was taking place outside, my sister and I were in the kitchen helping Doreen with the cookies. My mother had little patience for the messiness that accompanies cookie decorating so that activity was always quickly halted and replaced by the making of fudge and our famous popcorn balls—a staple Christmas treat in the Heffron House. The crunchy and gooey goodness of perfectly popped popcorn, Karo syrup, sugar, butter, vanilla, and of course, red and green food coloring was truly a highlight during the season, and a tradition that lives on today! A healthy snack for sure!
As if cookies, fudge, and popcorn balls weren’t enough for the day, it was time for pie baking—the nemesis of the season for my mother. Whoever coined the phrase “easy as pie” never met Doreen. There on the counter sat the red and white Betty Crocker cookbook opened to the pie dough page. It looked easy enough, but no, not so much. Pie dough was not Doreen’s forte, often sparking a heated battle between dough and Doreen. I’m not sure, but I seem to recall pieces of pastry dough being flung in frustration across the kitchen hitting whatever stood in its way, once missing its intended target, and startling our little dog, Buffy. It was not pretty and eventually, much to Doreen’s dismay and delight, I took over the task of holiday pie baking.
Now, while all this was going on, my brother, having cleaned up after the vacuum explosion, could be found in a corner of the kitchen quietly concocting rum balls. Yes, 151 proof rum balls! Little delicious balls of melted chocolate, Vanilla Wafers, more Karo syrup, more sugar, a splash of vanilla, and a lot more rum than the recipe called for. His stealth demeanor quickly turned to giggles, then to hysterical slurred words delighting in his creation. Of course, Doreen wasn’t all so joyful about his escapades, but Dad was right there volunteering to taste-test the high-octane confections. I thought it all made for a jollier family!
At end of the day and thoroughly exhausted, we joined around our kitchen table anticipating the joyful season ahead. The first candle of the Advent wreath was lit, and we all enjoyed a yummy warm dinner together, shared a few laughs about the day, then settled by the fire to watch the Carpenter’s Christmas show on TV.
We weren’t anything like the families depicted in Normal Rockwell’s beautiful illustrations, and no matter how hard Doreen worked to create the illusion of perfection, we were simply us. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and looking back, I can see that we were perfect in our own imperfection. Just the way we were meant to be.
Both Doreen and Mic are no longer with us, but their spirits live on and I’m grateful to have these memories to share with you all. I hope you’ve enjoyed a glimpse into my life as a teen and that my little story has brought a little chuckle of joy.
This holiday season, let go of your ideas of perfection and give the gift of you—your authentic and imperfect self—to those you love (and maybe even the ones you don’t).
As the holiday season approaches, I understand how challenging this time of year can be, especially if you’re going through a divorce. The festivities often emphasize togetherness and family, making it a poignant reminder of the changes in one’s personal life. However, it’s essential to remember that self-care and emotional well-being should remain a priority during this period of transition.
I know I covered this topic last month, but the story stirred up quite a few responses, so I thought the topic was worthy of a retake.
Here are a few insights and tips to help you prepare emotionally for divorce during the holidays:
Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Acknowledge and embrace your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or a mix of both. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what once was. Allow yourself the time and space to feel and process these emotions without judgment.
Create New Traditions: While it may be challenging to maintain old traditions, consider creating new ones that resonate with your current situation. This could involve spending time with supportive friends, engaging in activities you enjoy, or even taking a solo trip to reflect and recharge.
Lean on Your Support System: Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. Share your thoughts and feelings with friends, family, a therapist, or coach who can provide a listening ear and valuable guidance. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, self-care can be a powerful tool in maintaining balance.
Set Realistic Expectations: The holidays may not be picture-perfect, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the season. Focus on what you can control and let go of the pressure to meet societal or self-imposed standards.
Remember, healing is a process, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself. By prioritizing your emotional well-being and taking intentional steps to navigate the holidays, you can find a sense of peace and lay the foundation for a healthier future.
Wishing you strength, resilience, and moments of joy during this holiday season.
As we approach Thanksgiving and before the holiday hustle and bustle takes over, I want to express my heartfelt thanks for being a part of my online community.
To some people, launching into my encore career at this time in life seemed a bit risky and maybe a little crazy. But for me, becoming a coach to help others navigate through challenging life situations, was a calling I neglected to listen to for so many years. Connecting with you all through my writing has been an unexpected and joyful bonus allowing me to creatively express myself through words.
Many of you have responded to my stories with kindness and compassion and even shared your personal experiences exposing your own vulnerabilities. Your support has been a constant source of inspiration and encouragement, and I’m deeply appreciative of the time you’ve invested in reading my emails, sharing your thoughts, and engaging in meaningful conversations.
I’m thankful for the moments we’ve shared, the insights you’ve provided, and the relationships we’ve forged. Our interactions have been a source of growth and learning for me, and I hope they’ve been equally rewarding for you.
This Thanksgiving, my heart is full because of you. Your loyalty and engagement have made this journey a truly special one. I look forward to many more meaningful exchanges and connections in the future.
Wishing you a Thanksgiving filled with warmth, gratitude, and the joy of shared moments.
Today is November 1st marking the official start of the 2023 holiday season. Thanksgiving is just three short weeks away and then the real rush sets in.
The holiday season can be stressful for anyone, but if you’re going through a divorce and especially if this is your first year alone, it can feel heartbreaking. I totally get it. I’ll never forget the emptiness I felt so many years ago sitting alone on Christmas Eve without my kids. It hurt. And while I had family and friends who reached out to comfort me, I still felt alone and afraid of never finding love again.
We often look back at the holidays through a sentimental lens, but often the holiday memories are filled with conflict and tension – so much to do with the shopping, the over-spending, the preparing, the wrapping, trying to please and to accommodate, as well as the inevitable disagreements and squabbles.
The truth is there’s a reason why divorce rates tend to spike in January and February. The holiday season often magnifies the differences that drove us apart in the first place. Spending extended time together can accentuate tensions and anxieties, often overshadowing the joy of the season.
But here’s the silver lining: surviving the holidays during or after divorce is possible, and it can be more than just surviving; it can be thriving. You have the power to embrace a positive outlook, change your mindset, and develop effective coping strategies.
Here are ten tips for making the most of the holiday season during and after divorce:
1. Adjust Your Expectations
The first year can be especially hard, but remember, change is part of life, and with divorce comes change, including changes in how you experience the holidays. While the season may feel different, remember that “different” doesn’t have to mean “horrible.” Embrace your creative side and celebrate the holidays in a way that feels right for you. Once I came to terms with the fact that things had changed, I began to see this opportunity as a blank canvas and started to dream about the brilliant newness that came with it.
2. View the Holidays Through Fresh Eyes
Remember, there’s a reason for your divorce. The holidays may have revealed conflicts and irreconcilable differences, and sometimes, substances like alcohol exacerbated tensions and moods during this time. Recognize that the holidays were stressful for various reasons, including extended family dynamics, traveling to visit in-laws, reoccurring disappointments, disagreements, and arguments about one another’s holiday traditions. A fresh perspective can help you find peace and understanding.
3.Plan Ahead
Don’t leave your holiday plans to the last minute. Create an action plan that gives you something to look forward to. This is also where surrounding yourself with awesome people helps tremendously. If you don’t know any awesome people, become one yourself and attract awesome people into your life—easier said than done, I know, but this is so important if you’re going to embrace your new life. It’s also important to plan ahead if you are co-parenting and the kids will be splitting time between households—this can be one of the hardest experiences, especially in the beginning. Give yourself and others grace even when you don’t feel like it’s deserved.
4.Don’t dwell on the Past.
It’s easy to get lost in nostalgia, reminiscing about the holiday memories and songs from years gone by. While it’s essential to acknowledge your losses, be mindful not to wallow in self-pity. Self-compassion is crucial, but self-pity can rob you of your happiness. Avoid watching sentimental movies and reading books that spur memories of happier times, sending you into a tailspin of sorrow and regret. Remember, it’s other peoples’ holiday season too, no need to bring everyone down.
5.Prioritize Your Children’s Well-being
If you have kids and your relationship with your ex is strained, commit to maintaining a cordial atmosphere for your children’s sake. Agree to a ceasefire and stick to your co-parenting schedule to avoid disputes about holiday custody. Remember that your children will feel the effects of any anger or resentment you hold, so strive to create a harmonious holiday environment for their benefit. If your circumstances result in late drop-offs/pick-ups, etc. communicate with your ex in advance so there are no surprises…and be kind in your communication! It’s the kids’ holiday too so don’t make it about you!
6.Create New Traditions
Sentiment and tradition are holiday staples, but you may not be able to follow your pre-divorce rituals. Embrace this as an opportunity to create new traditions. There are no rules dictating how you must celebrate, so feel free to explore new activities or experiences with or without your kids. This can also feel very liberating if your pre-divorce holiday traditions required hours in the kitchen or tedious decorating follies that added more stress to the season. Let go of the need for perfection. Creating new holiday traditions turned out to be one of the most memorable parts of the holidays for me and my kids. Over 13 years later, we still incorporate many of them into our holiday traditions.
7.Cultivate Gratitude
I often get an eyeroll at this one but it’s true, when you express gratitude and appreciation (with no strings attached), you begin to experience more positivity and receive unexpected gifts from seemingly out of nowhere. Having gratitude for what you still have and for what you will have can lift your spirits and help you make the most of each day. Remember, “this too shall pass”, and you never know, this experience you’re in today may turn out to be a pivotal time in your life seeding a better future for you. Be grateful.
8.Seek Connection
It may not seem like it but you’re not alone in your journey through divorce; many others are going through similar experiences. Divorce is common and doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that something is wrong with you. There are many others out there who could use connection as well. Whether in your local community, support groups, or even social media for virtual connections, seek out others who would simply like to connect, go to a movie, meet for pizza, or just share stories over a Zoom call. Important note: I am NOT referring to dating sites for connection…that’s for another story!
9.Extend a Helping Hand
This goes hand in hand with seeking connection. Volunteering can be a powerful way to give and uplift your own spirits. Whether you’re organizing a food drive, helping at a local shelter, or delivering groceries or dinner to a homebound neighborhood, connecting with others through service lets you focus on something besides your situation. If you have kids at home, invite them to participate, allowing them to receive the powerful gift of giving as well. Some kids love this, and some don’t, but most will remember this as something “theygot to do” during the holiday season and it will stick with them forever.
10.Practice self-care
Giving, giving, giving—there is no shortage of the people we give to, especially during the holidays. This is also a time when you need to put yourself at the top of the list. Why? You’ve been through a lot and unless you want to manifest an ulcer or some other malady, you’ll want to take care of yourself. This means different things to different people, so think about what self-care means to you and start today. I suggest trying to keep your diet as healthy as possible (of course, allow for a few holiday indulgences—champagne and chocolate come to mind for me), exercise regularly to relieve stress and anxiety, get outside even if it’s cold out there—fresh air can work wonders on stress levels—and rest as much as possible.
Meditation, prayer, and journaling are also good ways to alleviate stress and make yourself feel better. A massage or my personal favorite, a spa treatment can be a wonderful gift to give yourself. If you’re wondering “how can I possibly fit any self-care into my very busy schedule,”consider making self-care a priority. Other peoples’ needs can wait. Remember you can only give what you have and if you’re feeling run down, depleted, and empty, that’s all you can give to others. Take care of yourself!
When I found myself sinking into holiday sadness, I would read this quote by Winnie-the-Pooh “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” And tell myself “I’ve got this!”
You’ve got this too! Acknowledge your loss and your newfound freedom, practice gratitude, and look toward the future, and you’ll make it through the holiday season ready to put it all behind you to ring in the new year!
Enjoy the season!
Love and Light,
Michèle Heffron is a seasoned Certified Life, Relationship, and Divorce Coach, specializing in clients aged 50 and above. With decades of leadership experience in corporate and nonprofit sectors, she’s been a driving force in domestic violence prevention, youth empowerment, and healthy relationships education.Michèle earned her coaching certification from the esteemed Institute of Excellence in Coaching. Having weathered two divorces, single motherhood, and a remarkable reinvention of her life post-divorce, she’s deeply committed to helping others navigate significant life transitions with dignity, self-respect, and love.
