The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. ~Niccolo Machiavelli
When I was a little girl, my mom used a tiny “hourglass” with a 5 minute duration to measure the cook-time of soft boiled eggs. Of course, the silence of the last grain of sand slipping through the waist of the glass often led to overcooked eggs and soon, the tiny egg- timer was relegated to the back of the utensil drawer.
I have always been fascinated by hourglasses—the symbolism of the feminine shape along with the constant and silent passage of time. It all seemed so mysterious!
As the glass is turned, it’s like the beginning of an awesome vacation with all those endless days of blissfulness ahead. Then, you wake up one morning and realize you’ve only got a few hours before going back home…and there’s still so much left to do and see!
Where did all the time go?
Once the sand runs out, and it eventually does for all of us, it’s gone. Vanished! Finale! Kaput!
“But wait, I was planning to have some fun, to live my life, to travel, to experience real love, to start my dream business, to __________________________, once I ______________________________ (fill in the blanks).
Whenever I see an hourglass, I think of that little egg timer exiled from the kitchen counter and am reminded of how it was so easily rendered useless and forgotten.
It’s exactly how I thought my life would be when I was faced with the decision to leave or to stay in a marriage, I knew in my heart wasn’t right for me.
Exiled, useless, and forgotten.
Who would I be if I wasn’t married, living in suburbia, driving a Lexus, and running the school auction? What would people say about me?
Probably that I looked a lot happier!
As the sands of my life moved through the glass, it became clearer to me what was truly important and what I’ve learned is that I am not my “status” in the social circles of life and my worth has nothing to do with the people I spend time with, the things I own or the clothes I wear.
Life is meant to live and to be lived well.
If you’re unhappy and living in limbo, waiting for your partner or circumstances to change, NOW is the time to make the decision to live your life!
It all starts with giving yourself permission to take the next step to see what is possible for you.
This was a question one of my mentors asked in the early days of my quest to change my life and it stumped me. I wasn’t sure how to speak my truth about what I really wanted in life because, as much as I wanted to believe I deserved more in this life, I still harbored some serious doubt about the effectiveness of all this self-improvement stuff. I thought “sure, it’s fine for all those other people, but maybe not me.” This, by the way, was code for “fear of failure”.
But seriously, ask yourself, “how good am I willing to let my life get?”
I’m here to tell you, this question pretty much changed my life. And while it’s taken several years, and of course, doubt comes knocking on occasion, I am witness to my own transformation and the pure joy that comes from believing in myself as the creator of my life. As hard as it is to believe this, it’s true.
I’ve been in Florence, Italy since last week and have been loving every moment of it! Amazing food, wine, shopping, artwork, scenic and historic surroundings everywhere I look! This used to be “the dream!”
I’ve spent quality time with my personal coach and my Mastermind group, comprised of incredibly talented, generous, and loyal women who are all on their own journeys. Each one of us has been challenged in life and each of us has also asked the question “how good am I willing to let life get?” The answers get better as each year passes. And while my dream may not be your dream, you do have one (or a 100) and your dream can come true if only you would allow it.
No matter what obstacle or sinkhole life may be dishing out, you have the ability to change your life.
As the holiday season approaches, I understand how challenging this time of year can be, especially if you’re going through a divorce. The festivities often emphasize togetherness and family, making it a poignant reminder of the changes in one’s personal life. However, it’s essential to remember that self-care and emotional well-being should remain a priority during this period of transition.
I know I covered this topic last month, but the story stirred up quite a few responses, so I thought the topic was worthy of a retake.
Here are a few insights and tips to help you prepare emotionally for divorce during the holidays:
Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Acknowledge and embrace your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or a mix of both. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what once was. Allow yourself the time and space to feel and process these emotions without judgment.
Create New Traditions: While it may be challenging to maintain old traditions, consider creating new ones that resonate with your current situation. This could involve spending time with supportive friends, engaging in activities you enjoy, or even taking a solo trip to reflect and recharge.
Lean on Your Support System: Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. Share your thoughts and feelings with friends, family, a therapist, or coach who can provide a listening ear and valuable guidance. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, self-care can be a powerful tool in maintaining balance.
Set Realistic Expectations: The holidays may not be picture-perfect, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the season. Focus on what you can control and let go of the pressure to meet societal or self-imposed standards.
Remember, healing is a process, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself. By prioritizing your emotional well-being and taking intentional steps to navigate the holidays, you can find a sense of peace and lay the foundation for a healthier future.
Wishing you strength, resilience, and moments of joy during this holiday season.
I’m leaving for Paris on Monday! I love Paris, it’s one of my favorite places in the whole wide world.
Love. Light. Energy.
Not to mention amazing food and historical artifacts everywhere you look—even the knobs on doors are beautiful. Fashion, buttery croissants and of course, champagne! For me it doesn’t get much better!
And contrary to what most of my American friends think, the French are lovely and can be very sweet, except when they’re not. C’est la vie!
People ask me why I love Paris so much and I can only say, “it feels like home”. Somehow, I’ve always known I was meant to be there.
No, I didn’t spend my youth mingling with the temperamental Parisians. Nor did I study in Paris during my college years like so many others. And my French is questionable at best. But I still love it all. I have always felt a sense of connection to the great City of Love and Light—even when I had no proof that traveling was meant for me.
Still, I was lured by the romance of the quaint cafes sprinkled in every neighborhood, the Anthem of Paris, La Vie En Rose, streaming through speakers in the little shops, and the magnificence of the Eiffel Tower, especially as her golden radiance lights up the night sky—a beacon for all the romantics of the world—me included.
Yet, just a few short years ago, my vision of carelessly roaming around the streets of Paris was just a dream. An experience meant for someone else; a fantasy kept tucked away on a forgotten shelf in my mind (or perhaps my heart). I could barely say “Paris” without a lump forming in my throat, especially when a friend would speak of their great adventure to my beloved city.
Today, I know we are all meant not only to dream our dreams, but to LIVE our dreams as well. Even the big audacious ones!
I know, I rattle on a lot with the benefits of having a life coach, but I know it works for anyone who is open to growth and willing to put in the effort. I always had a sense that I could have, be and do so much more in my life, but it was only when I started working with my first coach that I could even begin to see just how much I was capable of and that my big dreams could come true.
A coach once asked me, “How good are you willing to let your life get?” I had to think about this…was I willing to just dream about Paris and all the other experiences I desired or was I going to create a life where I could actually see my dreams to reality?
This will be my second trip to Paris in the past 9 months (I took myself to Paris to ring in 2023 earlier in the year). I’ll be meeting with my current life coach and a small group of women who are part of a global community I’m fortunate enough to belong to—each of us on our own life’s journey.
Together we support one another’s dreams, cheer each other on, dry each other’s tears, and celebrate life to the fullest. This is what I’ve discovered through coaching and why I became a coach. I love helping and supporting others in seeing how incredibly gifted they are and how to believe in themselves. And when someone lights up with surprise at seeing a situation differently or the new opportunities that mysteriously start appearing in their lives, it truly brings me joy. I want that for everyone.
Weirdly enough, I know Paris isn’t for everyone! But I must ask, what dreams have gone unfulfilled in your life? If you’re ready to rediscover what’s possible for you, I’d love to help. Call me or schedule a complimentary Life in Transition Assessment with me today. It’s more fun to have someone in your corner along the way!
Other than the fact that I love Paris, I was there to attend a retreat with my Mastermind Group, which is led by my personal coach, Gina DeVee.
We come from different parts of the US and Europe, various ages, professions, and stages in life, but we all share a passion for growth, expansion, and supporting the dreams of others.
Three of our days were spent together being trained by Gina and sharing our challenges, goals and receiving coaching on getting from where we are to where we want to be. Even with three days of coaching, we had plenty of time for exploration, dinners, and shopping!
I arrived in Paris on a Tuesday afternoon and was greeted by my concierge who whisked me through baggage claim, customs, and into my G7 taxi so quickly my head was spinning. I checked into my quaint little boutique hotel near the beautiful Jardin du Luxembourg and the Sorbonne and spent the afternoon shopping and checking out the neighborhood—I’m always on the lookout for where I might want to call home one day (or at least my part-time home).
Wednesday a few of the ladies checked out the magnificent Le Galerie Dior. This place is stunning, and one can clearly see how the French’s eye for beauty and their attention to detail has earned them the top spot in the world of art and fashion.
Later a stroll through le Petit Palais and Musée Beaux-Arts and onto Les Tuileries in the sweltering Paris summer heat. Honestly, we were all melting by the time we reached the gardens, but it was all so worth the effort.
We topped off the evening at Le Meurice, another iconic site and venture one should include on their next trip to Paris (sidenote, Pablo Picasso held his wedding there in 1918)..
Other highlights of the trip included a Maxim’s dinner cruise on the Seine, a champagne and cheese pairing with Champagne Expert, Cynthia Coutu, founder of Delectabulles (I thought I knew a thing or two about champagne but I learned so much more about the delightful art of bubbly and have a new found appreciation for the art of the French claim to the world of fine wine), and a Macaroon making class hosted by Cordon Blu trained pastry chef Molly Wilk in her Versailles apartment located steps away from the historic and stunning les Jardin de Chateau Versailles.
I’d love to say that I arranged for all the interesting and unique places and experiences we enjoyed, but that credit goes to sister Mastermind member, Wendy Harrop. Wendy owns and operates Phineas Wright House, a 238-year-old home and farm turned bed & breakfast in rural Massachusetts. Wendy also plans and leads luxury private experiences in Franch for small groups and knows a thing or two about Paris. She enthusiastically planned and booked many of the group’s extracurricular activities while in Paris.
These are just a few of the highlights of my trip. It doesn’t quite capture the magic of Paris but it’s a little glimpse into my world at this point. I have a whole new list of places I’d like to visit next time!
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
I’ve always loved this dialog between the Cheshire Cat and Alice from Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. It beautifully illustrates the significance of understanding one’s life goals as the initial step before embarking on any venture.
I would like to say that I’ve always put this sage advice into practice, but alas, I have not, which at times has left me floundering around and spinning during so many pivotal life moments. Fortunately, with the passage of time, I’ve gained valuable insights. Today, I’m better equipped to recognize how my lack of a clear vision unintentionally derailed my progress, whether in relationships, my career, or other aspects of life.
Most people who know me also know that I’ve seen success in my life as well, so I’m not completely throwing myself under the bus here. However, as a coach specializing in helping people improve their lives and gracefully navigate major life transitions, especially divorce, I’ve come to understand the importance of starting with a clear vision in mind. My fundamental question to those I work with is simple: “What do you envision your life looking like, feeling like, and being like once you’ve emerged from this phase?”
It might surprise you how many people find it challenging to provide a clear answer to that question. I completely get it because there was a time when I couldn’t articulate my desires either. However, now, this is a crucial cornerstone of every coach-client relationship I build.
By assisting people in identifying their personal values—a process in itself—they can begin to craft a vivid picture of their future life. What’s truly beautiful about this process is its adaptability. Your vision can evolve in harmony with your changing values, needs, and desires. For instance, you may initially envision living in a neighborhood where your children have playmates, and later, as they grow, you might aspire to reside in a place with more opportunities for adult connections.
Any life transition, especially divorce, brings along unforeseen challenges and obstacles. But by initiating the journey with a clear vision of your desired life, establishing goals and milestones, and constructing a roadmap complete with guideposts, you gain the capacity to navigate even the most perplexing circumstances, because they will arise.
Having a trusted partner, such as a coach, proves to be a remarkably effective means of bridging the gap between where you are now and where you aspire to be, often in significantly less time than if you were to embark on this journey solo.
