by micheleheffron | Feb 7, 2024 | divorce, family, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice
Keeping in line with my intention to focus my messages on love during the month of February, I got to thinking about how random acts of kindness or really kindness in general, can make such a difference in our lives. Acts of kindness can often be overlooked as insignificant things but at the end of the day, small things add up to big things.
For instance, I’ve personally had so many people who have positively impacted my life in ways that they probably never have even given any thought to, yet it made a huge difference to me. I’ll use Beth as an example. Beth was a woman I met many years ago who was what I considered to be “a very big deal.“ She invited me to her big spacious office and proceeded to ask all about me and my aspirations. She listened to my story, and she inspired me to be better. She never once spoke about all her accomplishments. At the end of our conversation, she asked what she could do to help me achieve my dreams. Wow! For the first time in a very long time, I felt seen and heard by this person who wasn’t expecting anything from me in return.
For me, this was at a time in life when I was feeling particularly small and to have someone care in such a kind and authentic way gave me that boost of confidence I truly needed at the time. I didn’t even realize how much her kindness impacted my life until years later and I’ll carry that experience with me for years to come.
Now, I’ve been fortunate to have many Beths come into my life over the years who have made inroads for me and have unknowingly opened pathways that I may never have discovered if not for their kindness.
For Beth and all the Beths who have shown me such kindness throughout the years, I want to extend my deepest gratitude. And there have been many Beths, some of which have even been men, who have impacted my life. It’s not in the name so much as what’s behind the intention.
Who has made a difference in your life with some simple act of kindness?
Sometimes we forget that we haven’t come this far in life completely on our own. There are a lot of people who come and go in our lives who have contributed to our evolution. Kindness, or any gift, given without the expectation of reciprocation can be one of the kindest things we can do for others as well as for ourselves.
Reflecting on all of this has given me inspiration to offer more of myself to others in ways that might touch their lives and make a difference. It’s the whole idea of the ripple effect you start when you take the first step towards kindness. You never know how one small act will make a difference in someone’s life today. Try it for yourself and then take a moment to experience how you feel when your actions make someone feel seen.
As a coach, who once felt unseen in life, I now help others step into who they’re meant to be by giving them the tools and guidance to feel seen in their own lives. I invite you to forward this message to someone you know who may be feeling unseen giving them an extra dose of kindness today and hope for a better life.
Schedule a confidential and complimentary consultation today to explore what’s possible for you.
Receive your copy of the 10 Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships click here.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
Learn more about Michèle: www.micheleheffron.com;
Schedule your free consultation with Michèle calendly.com/michele_heffron
Listen to her podcast: Getting to the Heart on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Love & Light,
Michele
by micheleheffron | Feb 1, 2024 | divorce, family, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice
I’ve heard people ask, “Why do we need an entire DAY, let alone an entire MONTH dedicated to Love?”
I guess my response is “Why not?”
How could highlighting such a Universal word be harmful? I mean, as it is don’t we see enough hate, pain, anxiety, loss, and loneliness in the world? What could possibly be the harm in expressing heartfelt love to those who we care about as well as those we don’t?
I know, it’s complicated and I totally understand how brutally lonely life can be when Valentine’s Day rolls around and you’re home alone with a Cup ‘O Noodles and Netflix for the 5th year in a row. Or you’re stuck in a marriage or relationship where there’s been no sign of romance or real Love for many years; or you’re feeling stuck in an abusive situation wondering if the nightmare will ever end. These situations can be heavy and potentially serious.
What I’m talking about is what each of us can do in our own lives to foster Love. Most of the time (if not 100% of the time) it all starts with learning to Love yourself first. It’s one of the most important virtues most people never take the time to learn or apply in their own lives. Why? Because most of us feel uncomfortable, awkward, and certainly not in Love with the person staring back at us when we’re looking in the mirror. Lack of Self-Love can lead to a tapestry of feelings and emotions, many of which cause whatever life looks like for you today.
During the month of February, I’ll be focusing more of my messaging around Love and how, by fostering Love in our lives, the ripples of our thoughts and actions can totally change the way we see ourselves as well as how we see others. And the beauty of a ripple is that it spreads out and touches places and people we may never know. How cool is that?
This idea may not be the answer to everyone’s problems but it’s a step in the right direction; and spreading Love doesn’t cost anything except perhaps, choosing to see the world around us differently. The world needs more Love and each one of us can help create more of it. Everyone can contribute to spreading Love.
A friend of mine recently posted that February is also Random Acts of Kindness Month. What a great way to give this whole Love thing a try. Every day, commit doing something kind for yourself or for someone else, even if you don’t know them and they don’t know you did it. I find just smiling at someone wearing a frown often causes them to smile back, or at least lightens their day a little. You never know how your kindness might make a difference for someone else.
And when Valentine’s Day arrives and you’re not out with a sweetheart or doing something fun, get yourself some good chocolate and pour yourself a glass of champagne (or whatever makes you happy) and send a little Love out into the Universe and just see what goodness comes back to you.
If you are ready to make some lasting changes in your capacity for Self-Love, I’d Love to help. Schedule your complimentary consultation with me today and together we can explore what support you may need to see how Self-Love can change your life.
Receive your copy of the 10 Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships click here.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
Learn more about Michèle: www.micheleheffron.com;
Schedule your free consultation with Michèle calendly.com/michele_heffron
Listen to her podcast: Getting to the Heart on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Love & Light,
Michele
by micheleheffron | Jan 24, 2024 | divorce, family, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice
Before becoming a life coach, I served on the leadership team of a national nonprofit organization whose mission is to end domestic violence by educating people about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Until then, I had never really given much thought to what a healthy relationship looked like or felt like. I’ve learned a lot over the years and now understand more about what goes into making a relationship a healthy one.
Today, one of my priorities in coaching is to help people see the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and to identify what’s working or not working in their own relationships.
Relationships are foundational in our lives starting from the time we’re born. We have relationships with our mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, co-workers, and romantic partners. The quality of our relationships can dramatically impact the quality of our lives.
A couple, building a strong and lasting relationship requires effort, understanding, and commitment from both partners. While every relationship is unique, there are certain key indicators that can help determine its health and longevity. In today’s message, we will explore the 10 signs of a healthy relationship, providing a roadmap for couples to navigate the complexities of love and connection.
- Comfortable Pace:
One of the first signs of a healthy relationship is a comfortable pace of progression. Both partners feel at ease with the speed at which the relationship is developing, whether it’s taking things slow or moving more quickly. Communication about the pace is essential, ensuring that both individuals feel respected and understood in their desire for emotional and physical intimacy.
- Trust:
Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. It involves confidence in your partner’s integrity, reliability, and intentions. A healthy relationship fosters an environment where trust can flourish, allowing both partners to feel secure and emotionally connected.
- Honesty:
Open and honest communication is vital for the health of a relationship. Partners should feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. Honest communication builds a foundation of trust and helps prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict.
- Independence:
While being in a relationship is about sharing your life with someone, it’s equally important to maintain individual identities and interests. Healthy relationships allow for independence, where both partners can pursue their passions and personal growth without feeling stifled.
- Respect:
Respect is a two-way street in a healthy relationship. It involves valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and autonomy. Mutual respect lays the groundwork for a strong connection and ensures that both partners feel appreciated and supported.
- Equality:
A healthy relationship thrives on equality. Both partners contribute to decision-making, responsibilities, and emotional support. Equality fosters a sense of partnership, where neither individual feels superior or inferior, creating a balanced and harmonious dynamic.
- Kindness:
Kindness is the glue that holds a relationship together during challenging times. Small gestures of kindness, empathy, and understanding contribute to a positive and nurturing environment. Acts of kindness strengthen the emotional bond between partners and create a culture of love and support.
- Fun:
Laughter and shared enjoyment are crucial components of a healthy relationship. Partners should find joy in spending time together, creating memories, and engaging in activities that bring happiness. Fun and playfulness contribute to a positive atmosphere and help to sustain a vibrant connection.
- Healthy Conflict:
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how it is managed can make all the difference. Healthy conflict involves constructive communication, active listening, and a commitment to finding solutions. Resolving disagreements in a respectful manner strengthens the relationship and enhances understanding between partners.
- Taking Responsibility:
In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions and contribute to the overall well-being of the partnership. This involves acknowledging mistakes, apologizing when necessary, and working together to find resolutions. Taking responsibility fosters accountability and promotes a sense of maturity within the relationship.
A healthy relationship is a continuous journey of growth, understanding, and love. By recognizing and nurturing these 10 signs—comfortable pace, trust, honesty, independence, respect, equality, kindness, fun, healthy conflict, and taking responsibility—couples can build a foundation that withstands the test of time. Investing in these aspects of a relationship not only strengthens the bond between partners but also creates a fulfilling and enduring connection that stands strong against the challenges that life may bring.
Receive your copy of the 10 Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships click here.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
Learn more about Michèle: www.micheleheffron.com;
Schedule your free consultation with Michèle calendly.com/michele_heffron
Listen to her podcast: Getting to the Heart on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Love & Light,
Michele
by micheleheffron | Dec 6, 2023 | christmas, divorce, family, hoildays, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice, thanksgiving
Today would have been Doreen’s (aka Mom’s) 86th birthday, so to honor her I’d like to take a little stroll down memory lane to share some of the highlights of Holidays with the Heffron’s (circa 1977).
The following scenario or some version of it typically took place on the first Sunday of December, which usually coincides with the first Sunday of Advent—another big deal in my house which included an Advent wreath assembled that very morning in the Church Hall after Mass.
We all knew what was coming later that day and braced ourselves for the annual recreation of Doreen’s version of decking the halls Norman Rockwell style (spoiler alert…it never quite turned-out way she envisioned).
With Bing Crosby’s rendition of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” playing on the old record player, the big question of the day was “to flock or not to flock.” It may seem trivial to some, but in the Heffron house, there were two camps – green or white? While the rest of us wanted green, Doreen wanted white; and white is what we got. A fully flocked tree where nary a needle could be detected, white lights, and shiny red balls, each skillfully positioned and tied with a red ribbon. There were no hand-made ornaments, strings of popcorn, and absolutely no tinsel to be had! And kids were unauthorized to decorate unless they passed the bow-tying requirements.
Mic (aka Dad) would haul the tree up to our big deck, somehow hook up the old canister vacuum cleaner to a bag of wet white stuff and set the device to blow out air rather than to suck things up. Only my brother was allowed outside when this special ritual was taking place and inevitably, the hose would detach spraying fake snow all over my dad, brother, and the large windows that flanked our deck. It was a mess and I’m sure the neighbors 3 blocks away could hear my dad’s “Christmas Spirt.”
While all the “White Christmas” frivolity and outdoor light stringing was taking place outside, my sister and I were in the kitchen helping Doreen with the cookies. My mother had little patience for the messiness that accompanies cookie decorating so that activity was always quickly halted and replaced by the making of fudge and our famous popcorn balls—a staple Christmas treat in the Heffron House. The crunchy and gooey goodness of perfectly popped popcorn, Karo syrup, sugar, butter, vanilla, and of course, red and green food coloring was truly a highlight during the season, and a tradition that lives on today! A healthy snack for sure!
As if cookies, fudge, and popcorn balls weren’t enough for the day, it was time for pie baking—the nemesis of the season for my mother. Whoever coined the phrase “easy as pie” never met Doreen. There on the counter sat the red and white Betty Crocker cookbook opened to the pie dough page. It looked easy enough, but no, not so much. Pie dough was not Doreen’s forte, often sparking a heated battle between dough and Doreen. I’m not sure, but I seem to recall pieces of pastry dough being flung in frustration across the kitchen hitting whatever stood in its way, once missing its intended target, and startling our little dog, Buffy. It was not pretty and eventually, much to Doreen’s dismay and delight, I took over the task of holiday pie baking.
Now, while all this was going on, my brother, having cleaned up after the vacuum explosion, could be found in a corner of the kitchen quietly concocting rum balls. Yes, 151 proof rum balls! Little delicious balls of melted chocolate, Vanilla Wafers, more Karo syrup, more sugar, a splash of vanilla, and a lot more rum than the recipe called for. His stealth demeanor quickly turned to giggles, then to hysterical slurred words delighting in his creation. Of course, Doreen wasn’t all so joyful about his escapades, but Dad was right there volunteering to taste-test the high-octane confections. I thought it all made for a jollier family!
At end of the day and thoroughly exhausted, we joined around our kitchen table anticipating the joyful season ahead. The first candle of the Advent wreath was lit, and we all enjoyed a yummy warm dinner together, shared a few laughs about the day, then settled by the fire to watch the Carpenter’s Christmas show on TV.
We weren’t anything like the families depicted in Normal Rockwell’s beautiful illustrations, and no matter how hard Doreen worked to create the illusion of perfection, we were simply us. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and looking back, I can see that we were perfect in our own imperfection. Just the way we were meant to be.
Both Doreen and Mic are no longer with us, but their spirits live on and I’m grateful to have these memories to share with you all. I hope you’ve enjoyed a glimpse into my life as a teen and that my little story has brought a little chuckle of joy.
This holiday season, let go of your ideas of perfection and give the gift of you—your authentic and imperfect self—to those you love (and maybe even the ones you don’t).
Love and Light,
Michèle
by micheleheffron | Nov 29, 2023 | christmas, divorce, family, hoildays, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice, thanksgiving, Travel
As the holiday season approaches, I understand how challenging this time of year can be, especially if you’re going through a divorce. The festivities often emphasize togetherness and family, making it a poignant reminder of the changes in one’s personal life. However, it’s essential to remember that self-care and emotional well-being should remain a priority during this period of transition.
I know I covered this topic last month, but the story stirred up quite a few responses, so I thought the topic was worthy of a retake.
Here are a few insights and tips to help you prepare emotionally for divorce during the holidays:
- Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Acknowledge and embrace your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or a mix of both. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what once was. Allow yourself the time and space to feel and process these emotions without judgment.
- Create New Traditions: While it may be challenging to maintain old traditions, consider creating new ones that resonate with your current situation. This could involve spending time with supportive friends, engaging in activities you enjoy, or even taking a solo trip to reflect and recharge.
- Lean on Your Support System: Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. Share your thoughts and feelings with friends, family, a therapist, or coach who can provide a listening ear and valuable guidance. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
- Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, self-care can be a powerful tool in maintaining balance.
- Set Realistic Expectations: The holidays may not be picture-perfect, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the season. Focus on what you can control and let go of the pressure to meet societal or self-imposed standards.
Remember, healing is a process, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself. By prioritizing your emotional well-being and taking intentional steps to navigate the holidays, you can find a sense of peace and lay the foundation for a healthier future.
Wishing you strength, resilience, and moments of joy during this holiday season.
Love and Light
Michèle
by micheleheffron | Nov 23, 2023 | divorce, marriage, Reflection, Relationship Advice
I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, I often found myself being told “you need an Attitude Adjustment, young lady.” Really? And just how was I supposed to do that? Like hearing those words would somehow magically give me the wisdom required to even know what an attitude adjustment even meant, let alone, know how to apply that parental wisdom to cleaning up my act! I always wanted to be snarky and say “well, maybe YOU need an Attitude Adjustment too—how do you think I got this way in the first place?!” It actually makes me laugh out loud just writing those words.
While all of us could use an Attitude Adjustment from time to time, most of us tend to justify our grumpiness, foul moods, and criticalness by pointing to reasons outside of ourselves. You know, blaming the actions or behaviors of others, the economy, politics, your neighbor’s dog, or whatever excuse you can come up with to make it not your fault you feel or act this way. It’s simply easier and feels more comfortable than taking personal responsibility for what happens in our lives.
I totally get it. I’ve spent years honing the skill of deflecting responsibility and I thought I was pretty good at it—that is, until I couldn’t stand myself anymore and decided to change my life by upleveling who I was being. And each time, because yes, I still uncover places where could be doing better (a lot of places BTW), I marvel at the fact that I hadn’t seen it before. It happens gradually, similarly to how we change our attitudes.
We know in our hearts when we’re not living up to who we’d truly like to be; and we also know when we’re not showing up at our best (because we can’t really fool ourselves—the heart always knows). It’s like having the little angle-you and the little devil-you sit on each shoulder while you’re trying to decide which action to take—it’s your choice. Always has been and always will be.
How do you find your way back to a better place?
If you’re feeling blue or really crummy about something and find your attitude plummeting in a downward spiral, it’s nearly impossible to pull yourself back up to the airiness of bliss on command (if you were ever there in the first place). I don’t recommend attempting this as a viable solution. This is how we get into a cycle of mood swings and being critical of ourselves and others.
What I do suggest is taking baby steps by doing one small thing at a time that makes you feel incrementally better. For example, when you recognize that you’re feeling awful about something, pause, take a deep breath, and do something more enjoyable in that moment—make a cup of coffee or tea, think about something or someone who makes you smile, or watch a funny cat video or reel to lighten up your mood. As your mood begins to lighten, take another step by finding things around you for which you have appreciation and gratitude. Focus on feeling better, then take another step…etc.
This takes practice, like building a muscle, especially if this is not your modus operandi. I guarantee anyone can improve if they want to. Personally, I found my personal coaches, workshops, and development books extremely helpful (and still do) as I began my transformation.
Love & Light,
Michele
