Sometimes, when we think of “red flags” in a marriage, we imagine clear, bold signals—like infidelity or explosive fights—that tell us something is wrong. But in reality, red flags aren’t always waving and obvious. Some are subtle, almost invisible, slipping into the day-to-day until, one day, we find ourselves wondering, “How did we get here?”

If you’re reading this, there might be a whisper inside of you already sensing that something isn’t quite right. Maybe it’s a low-level resentment that’s crept in, or an exhaustion that goes beyond physical tiredness. The truth is, relationships don’t always change overnight. It’s the slow, almost imperceptible shifts that can build up and impact our marriages over time.

One client of mine, let’s call her Laura, shared how she realized she had ignored the quiet signs for years. Her husband wasn’t unkind, nor was there any major betrayal to point to. But over time, she noticed she’d stopped sharing parts of herself with him, choosing silence over honesty to “keep the peace.” It wasn’t until she looked back that she realized those little choices—staying silent, sidestepping her own needs, and feeling like she was walking on eggshells—were red flags all along. She wasn’t stupid for ignoring them; she was simply hoping for the best, believing it would get better on its own.

Laura’s story is all too common. We don’t always recognize these subtle signs because they’re easy to write off as “normal” relationship struggles. Maybe we tell ourselves that everyone goes through this, or that we’re being dramatic, or that we’re the problem for wanting something different. But these tiny red flags matter. They matter because they often signal that something in the foundation of the relationship isn’t holding up under the weight of time and change.

So, what do these subtle red flags look like? Here are a few examples that are easy to miss but can have a powerful impact on a marriage over the years.

Withholding Your Feelings
Perhaps you’ve found yourself biting your tongue, feeling that sharing your true thoughts or needs will only lead to conflict or frustration. Over time, choosing silence over honesty chips away at the intimacy in a relationship. When you can’t safely share your thoughts, the relationship can start to feel more like a compromise than a partnership.

Resentment That You Can’t Quite Explain
Resentment has a sneaky way of creeping in under the radar, often when needs go unmet, or boundaries are ignored. Maybe you’re doing more of the heavy lifting at home, or you’re always the one adjusting to keep things harmonious. Even though there’s no outright conflict, this quiet resentment accumulates. It’s not always obvious, but it often leaves you feeling depleted and disconnected.

Constantly “Picking Your Battles”
There’s a wisdom in not sweating the small stuff. But if you find yourself “picking your battles” so much that you rarely address anything that bothers you, it’s worth taking a closer look. When one person is always accommodating, the relationship can lose balance. And truthfully, it’s another way of trying to “control” the situation for fear of tipping over the apple cart by speaking your truth.

Feeling Isolated or Like Your Partner Doesn’t Truly See You
If you’re feeling unseen or unheard in your marriage, it might be tempting to explain it away as the result of busy schedules or shifting priorities. But when that feeling of invisibility becomes a pattern, it’s often a sign that a meaningful connection has been lost. Feeling invisible in your relationship is a painful, subtle red flag that deserves attention.

An Ongoing Sense of Unhappiness, Even If You Can’t Quite Put Your Finger on Why
Some days, nothing feels particularly wrong, yet nothing feels right either. You’re not necessarily in crisis, but you’re not happy. That quiet discontent can be the hardest to identify, but over time, it chips away at the foundation of love and companionship.

If any of these resonate, know this:

you’re not foolish or wrong for ignoring them.

Many of us overlook these subtle signals because we hope things will improve, or we tell ourselves that this is just part of marriage. But ignoring these quiet red flags doesn’t make them go away. Over time, they can turn into deep-seated issues that make the relationship feel more like a weight than a source of support.

Addressing these subtle red flags doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. In fact, recognizing them is the first step toward healing and growth. Whether that means working through things together or seeking outside support, bringing these unspoken issues to light can breathe new life into a relationship. This all requires a healthy sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

So, if you’ve been sensing that something is off—even if you can’t fully articulate it—trust that feeling. Curiosity is often the first step toward positive change. Taking a closer look doesn’t mean you’re looking for faults; it means you’re committed to a relationship that supports and uplifts both of you.

I often say that you don’t have to have it all figured out on your own. Sometimes, having someone outside of the relationship can offer a perspective that makes things clearer. My role is to guide, to listen, and to help you explore what’s really going on, not just for the relationship, but for you. Because every choice you make should bring you closer to the heart of who you are and what you’re meant for.

Love and Light,

Michele

If you’re feeling that quiet pull to explore what’s beneath the surface, you don’t have to face it alone. Let’s work together to bring clarity and empowerment to your journey. Schedule a complimentary consultation with me today and take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling path forward.

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There was a time in my life when I was the Queen of Blame. I mean, if someone hurt me, they were absolutely going to hear about it. I’d replay every wrong, every sharp word, and make sure that person (and anyone else who would listen) knew just how much damage they’d caused. I felt justified in my anger—after all, they were the ones who shot the arrow, right?

And then, one day, I stumbled upon this quote by Pema Chödrön:

“If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart.”

That quote made me feel a little indignant, after all, what does a Buddhist Nun know about being hurt? Upon learning more about the life this woman had experienced, I had to admit, she had a point. Here I was, holding on so tightly to all the ways people had hurt me, standing there shouting about the arrows without even acknowledging the fact that I was the one still standing there, wounded. My energy was all focused on them—the shooters—rather than where it really needed to be. On the fact that I had an arrow in my heart and was doing absolutely nothing to heal it.

The truth is, it’s easier to play the victim. There’s a certain comfort in it because when you’re the victim, you don’t have to take responsibility for anything. It’s always someone else’s fault. But living in that space was also exhausting, draining, and kept me stuck in a cycle of pain.

It took me a while—longer than I’d like to admit—but eventually, I began to realize that pointing fingers wasn’t getting me anywhere. I was still in pain, and my heart was still wounded. So, I made a bold decision to change. Instead of standing there waiting for someone else to fix me, I started looking at the arrow. Not just the surface wound, but deeper—at the old stories I was telling myself, the fears I hadn’t addressed, the parts of myself I didn’t want to face.

Taking responsibility for my healing didn’t happen overnight. It was a process (and still is), messy at times, and filled with moments where I wanted to go back to blaming others. But slowly, I began to see that I had more control over my life than I thought. I could choose to keep living in pain, or I could take that arrow out and start healing. This shift also helped me not let new arrows pierce so deeply anymore. It was about recognizing my own patterns, and taking responsibility for my reactions, my choices, and ultimately, my future.

This transformation allowed me to move through the world with more grace and resilience. And it’s made room in my heart for so much more than I ever thought possible—more love, more joy, and yes, even forgiveness.

So, as we head into the end of the year—a time when we reflect on where we’ve been and where we want to go—I invite you to consider the arrows you’re still carrying. Maybe it’s time to stop shouting at the people who’ve hurt you and start focusing on your own healing.

Love and Light,

Michele

If you’re ready to shift your perspective and open your heart to what’s possible, let’s talk. Schedule a free consultation with me, and together we can start creating the life you truly deserve.

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Forgiveness. Just saying the word can stir up all kinds of feelings. For many people going through divorce, forgiveness feels like the last thing on the list—if it’s even on the list at all. After all, if your ex was a total nightmare, why on earth would you forgive them? Isn’t that letting them off the hook? It can feel like they’re getting away with something, while you’re left with all the pieces to pick up. But here’s the thing: forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you—and the freedom you can find by letting go of the ugly story that’s been weighing you down. 

Renee came to me in the thick of her divorce, full of anger and resentment. Her ex had done some pretty awful things (we’re talking betrayal, manipulation, the works), and she was not interested in the idea of forgiveness. She felt stuck, cycling through the same old thoughts, replaying the “how could he?” moments over and over in her mind. 

We talked about how holding onto that anger was affecting her—not just emotionally but physically too. She had trouble sleeping, felt anxious all the time, and was drained from carrying that bitterness everywhere she went. But whenever I brought up forgiveness, she recoiled. In her mind, forgiveness meant giving him a free pass for all the damage he’d caused. 

But forgiveness isn’t about excusing someone else’s behavior or pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip of the story. When we make someone else the source of who we are—when we say, “He ruined me” or “She made me feel worthless”—we lose our own power. We hand over control of our emotions, our self-worth, and our happiness to someone else. And in Renee’s case, her ex wasn’t just a part of her past; he had become the main character in her story, even though the marriage was over. 

I asked Renee “What if forgiveness wasn’t about him at all? What if it was about you finding peace and freedom, so you could let go of the role of the victim and reclaim your power?” 

Joan began to realize that she wasn’t letting him off the hook—she was letting herself off the hook. She was letting go of the ugliness of the story, the constant feeling of victimhood, and the weight of blame she’d been carrying. It wasn’t an overnight process. But over time, Renee began to see forgiveness as an act of self-care, a way to put herself and her future first. 

My Story of Forgiveness 

I’ll admit it—this lesson didn’t come easy for me either. I’ve been through two divorces, and there were times when forgiveness felt like a foreign language. I was so caught up in being the “good wife,” always putting everyone else’s needs ahead of mine, that I lost myself. I became a classic people pleaser—doing everything I could to avoid conflict, keep the peace, and make sure everyone else was happy. Sound familiar? 

I blamed my exes for a long time. I fell into the trap of thinking; they did this to me. I had a whole script of “if only’s—if only they had been more supportive, if only they had listened to me, if only they had been different, I would have been fine. But the truth? I wasn’t fine because I had lost sight of who I was. I had put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own for so long that I had no idea what my needs even were anymore.  Sound familiar? 

By working with my coach, I learned I had to forgive myself. That was the real kicker. I had to let go of the guilt I carried for allowing myself to fall into trying to fit into someone else’s box, for being a people pleaser, for not standing up for myself sooner. I had to forgive myself for contributing to the situation, for not knowing better at the time, and for the choices I had made along the way. 

I realized that I wasn’t a victim of my circumstances—I was a participant. It was a tough pill to swallow, but it was also one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done. I had to stop blaming my exes for my unhappiness and start taking responsibility for my own healing. And when I did that, when I let go of the old patterns and allowed myself to forgive (both them and myself), I found something I hadn’t felt in a long time—freedom. 

Forgiveness is Freedom 

While it doesn’t change the past, when we let go of resentment, we create space for something better—something kinder, more loving, more aligned with who we truly are and what we’re meant for. And that’s where the magic happens. You don’t have to carry that heavy baggage of anger, hurt, or disappointment into the next chapter of your life. 

If you’re holding on to anger, bitterness, or hurt—whether it’s toward your ex or even yourself—ask yourself this: What would it feel like to let go? What would it feel like to release the story and step into a new version of yourself, one that’s no longer defined by what went wrong, but by what’s possible moving forward? 

Love and Light,

Michele

If you’re ready to discover your freedom and don’t know where to start,

schedule a consultation with me today.

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This one is tough to write, but it feels important—especially with the holidays approaching. There’s a quote by Luciano De Crescenzo that always stays with me: “We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly by embracing each other.” It’s a beautiful reminder of our need for connection, yet so many people today are struggling with loneliness, even when they’re surrounded by others.

In my work, and in my life, I see this far too often. Clients who’ve been in long-term marriages or relationships tell me about the emptiness they’ve felt for years—sitting across the table from a partner who’s physically there but emotionally absent. I’ve seen the sadness in their eyes when they talk about the silences that have become a daily routine, meals eaten in quiet disconnect, questions met with half-hearted responses. It’s a kind of loneliness that runs deep.

And it’s not just in intimate relationships. You can see it all around us. Take a look next time you’re out—families, couples, friends sitting together, but their attention buried in their phones. Everyone is so busy avoiding discomfort that they miss the opportunity to truly connect. It’s no surprise, then, that we live in a world where nearly half of American adults are single or unpartnered, perpetuating a cycle of loneliness.

What’s troubling is how loneliness quietly creeps into our lives and settles in, making us feel like we’re not seen, not heard, not valued. It can happen slowly, or it can hit us all at once, but either way, it hurts. While it may not matter, I want you to know you’re not alone.

Here’s where I hope to offer a bit of light. I’ve worked with people who felt trapped in their own isolation, convinced there was no way out of the emotional rut they were in. They didn’t believe things could change. But with time and intention, they found connection—not necessarily through romantic love, but through rediscovering themselves, deepening friendships, or even reaching out for help when they needed it most. Sometimes the act of reaching out is the bravest thing we can do. And quite frankly, people really want to feel needed and would be flattered if only you would reach out.

I had a client who came to me after years of feeling invisible in her marriage. She felt utterly disconnected, not just from her partner but from herself. Her world had become so small. Over time, as we worked together, she began to set simple intentions—to seek out moments of real connection, even if it was just making eye contact with a stranger or asking her neighbor how their day was. Those small steps built into something bigger. She found a community of people who uplifted her, and little by little, she began to feel seen again. That’s the power of intention: it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture; it’s the small, steady steps toward reconnecting with yourself and others.

If you’re feeling that same sense of loneliness, I want you to know it’s okay to reach out for help. Whether it’s to a friend, a family member, or someone who’s been where you are, there’s no shame in saying, “I need someone.” Sometimes, we need a hand to pull us out of that dark place, and that’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. Loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent state.

As we head into the holiday season, let’s remember that connection—true connection—is what gives us wings. It’s not about filling the silence with noise, but about filling our hearts with the love and support we all deserve.

Love and Light,

Michele

Schedule a free consultation with me and find your way back to a life

that feels full, even if it starts with just one small step.

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If you’re at the point of looking for a divorce attorney, you’re probably feeling a bit overwhelmed. Divorce is complicated, emotional, and let’s face it—it’s not something anyone ever truly expects to go through.Choosing the right attorney can feel daunting, especially when you know your divorce comes with its own unique set of challenges. You’re not just looking for someone who’s “good,” but someone who’s the right fit for you.

As a divorce coach, I’ve worked alongside many clients during this process, and I’ve seen how finding the right attorney can make a world of difference. Divorce is a personal journey, and the attorney you choose should align with your needs, not just offer a one-size-fits-all approach. So, how do you go about finding someone who’s more than just a lawyer on paper? Here’s how I guide my clients through the process.

1. Start by Getting Referrals from Trusted Professionals

While family and friends often mean well, their recommendations might not always align with your specific needs. Generally, I suggest starting by asking for referrals from professionals in or near the legal world. Your coach, accountant, financial advisor, or even a trusted attorney from another field might have a better sense of who’s really experienced in family law. They’ll likely know which attorneys consistently deliver solid outcomes and handle cases with both expertise and care.

2. Choose Someone Who Specializes in Family Law

It’s crucial that the attorney you select focuses on family law, not someone who splits their time between estate planning, criminal defense, or other practice areas. Divorce can be complex and involves a lot of moving parts—financial assets, custody arrangements, property division, and more. A specialist in family law knows the ins and outs of these issues and will have a deeper understanding of how to approach your particular situation. Ask how much of their practice is dedicated solely to divorce cases and family law to make sure they’re the right fit. Also ask how, if at all, they collaborate with other divorce professionals—i.e. coaches, real estate professionals, wealth and/or tax advisors.

3. Interview at Least Three Attorneys

I typically advise clients is to meet with a variety of attorneys—at least three—before making a decision. Consultations are an opportunity to gauge not just their expertise, but how well they communicate and whether their approach resonates with you. Some consultations might be free, while others come with a fee, but don’t let the cost be the deciding factor. Sometimes paying for that initial advice is well worth it if it provides you with actionable insights.

When you’re meeting with different attorneys, it’s important to also pay attention to the questions they ask you. Are they probing thoughtfully into your specific situation, or are they just offering generic responses? A good attorney will want to know the details of your life—financially, emotionally, and legally—and how they can best support you.

4. Bring a List of Questions and Be Transparent

Walking into a consultation prepared with a list of questions is a great way to take control of the conversation. Ask about their approach to handling cases like yours, their experience with custody or financial complexities, their communication style, and their fee structure. But also, be honest about your situation, even if some details feel uncomfortable to share. Many women, for example, feel embarrassed about not knowing their full financial picture or nervous about the legal process itself. That’s completely normal—and the right attorney will put you at ease, not make you feel inadequate for what you don’t know. If they brush off your concerns or leave you feeling uncomfortable, it’s okay to keep looking. You need someone who makes you feel respected and heard.

5. Don’t Rush Your Decision

After meeting with a few attorneys, take a step back to reflect. The first one you meet might seem like a perfect match, but after a few more consultations, you may have a different perspective. Avoid making a rushed decision based on who tells you what you want to hear or who offers the lowest fees. Divorce is a big, complex life change, and you want someone who’s realistic and can guide you with clarity and care.

6. Support Beyond Legal Strategy

While your attorney will focus on the legal aspects of your divorce, like asset division, custody arrangements, and financial negotiations, there’s more to this journey than just the paperwork. This is a significant life transition—one that affects your emotional well-being, your sense of self, and your future. That’s where my role as a divorce coach comes in. I work with you on navigating the personal side of divorce, helping you process the emotional weight of it all, and guiding you toward a new chapter in life.

An attorney handles the legal road map, but it’s important to have someone who can help you stay grounded and emotionally resilient through it all. Together, we can make sure you’re supported every step of the way.

Love and Light,

Michele

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Finding the right attorney is just one piece of the puzzle. If you’d like additional support as you navigate this difficult time, I’m here to help. With years of experience in coaching clients through divorce, I can help you feel empowered and clear on your next steps. Schedule a free consultation today, and let’s start building the life you’re meant for—together.

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