What do you think of when you hear someone say, “you sound like a broken record?”
A couple things come to mind for me: 1. The scratch in my Yellow Brick Road album that completely wrecked the song, Harmony; and 2. People who tell the same old story about their pathetic life over and over and over.
Recently, I was in a conversation with a friend where the broken record syndrome came into play, and I thought I’d write about it because many of us live with this form of self-sabotage and victimization in some way or another. By sharing I hope to inspire thoughtful reflection for how you show up in the world for yourself and others.
This person is very successful in some areas of life and in others, not so much. For instance, her business sense is remarkable, and she has a golden touch when it comes to investing and accumulating wealth. On the other hand, she struggles with her personal relationships and falls short in the areas of building and retaining loving relationships with her family and in certain social circles. She seems completely unaware of the advice she bestows on others, seldom follows that advice in her own life.
Isn’t it interesting how we see things in others,and fail to see the same things in ourselves?
She was going through her same old litany of complaints about how she receives no love and affection from her partner and that her kids disrespect and treat her unkindly. She “gives, gives, gives and feels completely unappreciated.” In another time, I would have jumped right on the bandwagon giving her all the co-dependent and heartfelt sympathy I could muster up. But this time, I chose to stay silent. I wondered, “why were we back at that old story again when we’ve rehashed it now for years?”
I’m not perfect by any stretch, and I have been known live in my old story of the past sounding like a broken record myself. And yes, we all get to vent from time to time, but when we choose to do nothing about the issue we’re venting about, it becomes annoying and sucks life out of everyone around us.
It’s one of the most common ways we hurt ourselves—by believing and repeating our own troubled stories hoping for sympathy or some other form of attention from anyone who will listen.
I can certainly relate! Me, the victim, lamenting about my horrible ex, or my lack of money, or this happened because of my parents, my boss, etc. I was repeating my sorry old stories over and over, focusing on everything on the outside and wondering why nothing ever changed.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
~ Albert Einstein
When I decided to take a hard look in the mirror and fess up to the fact that all the emotions of lack, unworthiness, and shame were my own doing, I got busy and started seeking out as much help as I could. I read books, attended workshops, and eventually hired a coach to help me see where I was sabotaging my own life. It changed everything for me. I learned just how powerful having someone in my corner can be and I took inspired action to change.
I finally understood that my perception of how I was being treated by other people or my circumstances, in reality, was how I had been treating myself.
Ouch, that hurts!
Understanding that we don’t have control over what other people say and do is a major step in changing the way we choose to show up for ourselves and others. If you want people to treat you differently, treat yourself differently. How can we expect love and affection from others when we don’t give ourselves love and affection?
A skilled coach can help repair the Broken Record Syndrome. If you or someone you know could use some help rewriting their story, schedule a complimentary discovery call with me today.
The One Love Foundation has broken down the 10 Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships.
While healthy relationships bring out the best in us and make us feel good about ourselves, the unhealthy ones can cause us to feel alone, ashamed, unworthy, isolated, and possibly in danger.
None of us are perfect and none of us demonstrate healthy behaviors 100% of the time.
Of course, It all starts with loving yourself first. The way we treat others is like a mirror, a reflection of how we see and treat ourselves—this can be very humbling and harsh reality.
According to the One Love Foundation, we can all learn to love better by understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. One Love has created a list to help people recognize these behaviors in themselves and in others they care about. As a supporter of the One Love Foundation, I’m sharing this list with all of you and hope you will take the time to check it out and share with others.
It’s important not to ignore the unhealthy signs and understand they can escalate into mental, emotional, or even physical abuse. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship.
To see a list of the 10 Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships,click here.
If you think you are in a dangerous situation, trust your gut and get help.
Are you navigating the challenging terrain of divorce? The question you should be asking yourself isn’t whether you need a divorce coach, but rather, how soon can you get one on your side? A certified divorce coach is not just a helping hand; they are your beacon of support during this life-altering journey. In this article, we delve into five compelling reasons why a divorce coach is your secret weapon during these tumultuous times.
1. Divorce Coaches: Your Emotional Lifeline
Amid the legal quagmire of divorce, emotions run high. The stress, conflicts, and fears engulf not just you but your children and family, too. In high-conflict divorces, emotions soar to unprecedented levels, jeopardizing your decision-making, be it parenting plans, financial choices, or co-parenting discussions.
A divorce coach, armed with professional expertise and personal empathy, is your emotional anchor. In sessions designed exclusively for you, they create a safe space to channel your emotions. The result? You shed the negativity and step into a realm of confidence and empowerment, ready to make pivotal decisions. Your divorce coach bridges the gap that lawyers and financial planners can’t, prioritizing your emotional well-being.
2. Saving Your Resources, Both Time and Money
Attorneys, while essential for legal matters, aren’t equipped to navigate the turbulent waters of emotions. Constantly seeking emotional solace from your attorney may leave you frustrated and bearing the weight of hefty bills. Divorce coaches, on the other hand, are specialized in handling the emotional side of divorce at rates often more budget-friendly than attorneys.
Liberate your attorney to tackle the legal intricacies, while your divorce coach becomes your emotional compass.
3. Goal setting and Action Planning
A divorce coach is not just a shoulder to lean on but also a catalyst for transformation. They partner with you in setting goals and devising a plan for your future. Through empowering questions and discussions, your coach helps you identify your true desires, facilitating a positive outlook that counterbalances the negativity inherent in legal proceedings.
With your coach, you can chart your path, focusing on an array of goals, from managing guilt and shame to fostering effective communication and co-parenting. Together, you can work towards a smoother, less contentious divorce.
4. Preserve Your Precious Relationships
It’s natural to turn to loved ones for support during a divorce, but their inherent bias can limit their effectiveness. As much as they care, they may avoid asking tough questions or holding you accountable. Overreliance on family and friends can strain these valuable relationships.
A divorce coach provides an objective and non-judgmental space. They offer a dedicated platform to process your emotions, ensuring your personal relationships remain unharmed. Your coach’s sole interest is your well-being, making them a vital component of your support network.
5. Regain Control Over Your Divorce
Divorce can strip you of control and leave you feeling helpless. A divorce coach helps you regain a sense of power by concentrating on what you can influence, such as your mindset, energy, self-care, paperwork, team building, and more. Focusing on the aspects within your grasp empowers you to move forward with confidence.
Incorporating a divorce coach into your journey isn’t just a wise decision; it’s a transformative step towards a smoother, more emotionally balanced divorce experience. Take charge of your future and let a divorce coach guide you to a brighter tomorrow.
Michèle Heffron is a seasoned Certified Life, Relationship, and Divorce Coach, specializing in clients aged 50 and above. With decades of leadership experience in corporate and nonprofit sectors, she’s been a driving force in domestic violence prevention, youth empowerment, and healthy relationships education.
Michèle earned her coaching certification from the esteemed Institute of Excellence in Coaching. Having weathered two divorces, single motherhood, and a remarkable reinvention of her life post-divorce, she’s deeply committed to helping others navigate significant life transitions with dignity, self-respect, and love.
Other than the fact that I love Paris, I was there to attend a retreat with my Mastermind Group, which is led by my personal coach, Gina DeVee.
We come from different parts of the US and Europe, various ages, professions, and stages in life, but we all share a passion for growth, expansion, and supporting the dreams of others.
Three of our days were spent together being trained by Gina and sharing our challenges, goals and receiving coaching on getting from where we are to where we want to be. Even with three days of coaching, we had plenty of time for exploration, dinners, and shopping!
I arrived in Paris on a Tuesday afternoon and was greeted by my concierge who whisked me through baggage claim, customs, and into my G7 taxi so quickly my head was spinning. I checked into my quaint little boutique hotel near the beautiful Jardin du Luxembourg and the Sorbonne and spent the afternoon shopping and checking out the neighborhood—I’m always on the lookout for where I might want to call home one day (or at least my part-time home).
Wednesday a few of the ladies checked out the magnificent Le Galerie Dior. This place is stunning, and one can clearly see how the French’s eye for beauty and their attention to detail has earned them the top spot in the world of art and fashion.
Later a stroll through le Petit Palais and Musée Beaux-Arts and onto Les Tuileries in the sweltering Paris summer heat. Honestly, we were all melting by the time we reached the gardens, but it was all so worth the effort.
We topped off the evening at Le Meurice, another iconic site and venture one should include on their next trip to Paris (sidenote, Pablo Picasso held his wedding there in 1918)..
Other highlights of the trip included a Maxim’s dinner cruise on the Seine, a champagne and cheese pairing with Champagne Expert, Cynthia Coutu, founder of Delectabulles (I thought I knew a thing or two about champagne but I learned so much more about the delightful art of bubbly and have a new found appreciation for the art of the French claim to the world of fine wine), and a Macaroon making class hosted by Cordon Blu trained pastry chef Molly Wilk in her Versailles apartment located steps away from the historic and stunning les Jardin de Chateau Versailles.
I’d love to say that I arranged for all the interesting and unique places and experiences we enjoyed, but that credit goes to sister Mastermind member, Wendy Harrop. Wendy owns and operates Phineas Wright House, a 238-year-old home and farm turned bed & breakfast in rural Massachusetts. Wendy also plans and leads luxury private experiences in Franch for small groups and knows a thing or two about Paris. She enthusiastically planned and booked many of the group’s extracurricular activities while in Paris.
These are just a few of the highlights of my trip. It doesn’t quite capture the magic of Paris but it’s a little glimpse into my world at this point. I have a whole new list of places I’d like to visit next time!
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
I’ve always loved this dialog between the Cheshire Cat and Alice from Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. It beautifully illustrates the significance of understanding one’s life goals as the initial step before embarking on any venture.
I would like to say that I’ve always put this sage advice into practice, but alas, I have not, which at times has left me floundering around and spinning during so many pivotal life moments. Fortunately, with the passage of time, I’ve gained valuable insights. Today, I’m better equipped to recognize how my lack of a clear vision unintentionally derailed my progress, whether in relationships, my career, or other aspects of life.
Most people who know me also know that I’ve seen success in my life as well, so I’m not completely throwing myself under the bus here. However, as a coach specializing in helping people improve their lives and gracefully navigate major life transitions, especially divorce, I’ve come to understand the importance of starting with a clear vision in mind. My fundamental question to those I work with is simple: “What do you envision your life looking like, feeling like, and being like once you’ve emerged from this phase?”
It might surprise you how many people find it challenging to provide a clear answer to that question. I completely get it because there was a time when I couldn’t articulate my desires either. However, now, this is a crucial cornerstone of every coach-client relationship I build.
By assisting people in identifying their personal values—a process in itself—they can begin to craft a vivid picture of their future life. What’s truly beautiful about this process is its adaptability. Your vision can evolve in harmony with your changing values, needs, and desires. For instance, you may initially envision living in a neighborhood where your children have playmates, and later, as they grow, you might aspire to reside in a place with more opportunities for adult connections.
Any life transition, especially divorce, brings along unforeseen challenges and obstacles. But by initiating the journey with a clear vision of your desired life, establishing goals and milestones, and constructing a roadmap complete with guideposts, you gain the capacity to navigate even the most perplexing circumstances, because they will arise.
Having a trusted partner, such as a coach, proves to be a remarkably effective means of bridging the gap between where you are now and where you aspire to be, often in significantly less time than if you were to embark on this journey solo.
“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.”
Have you ever found yourself hesitating to pursue something deep down you believed you were capable of, all because someone important in your life once told you that you weren’t up to the task? Sadly, many of us can relate to this unfortunate experience, and we’ve allowed it to shape our beliefs for much of our lives.
When I was in college, I was told by one of my creative writing instructors that writing was not my thing. I totally remember the story I had written, where the main character, a very stylish woman, was wearing a dress made of wool crepe. He wrote in big red letters that there was no such thing as wool crepe and that maybe I should stick to Psychology (I wasn’t even a Psychology major!). Seriously, he wrote that on my paper!
What he did not know was that I also was a student of fashion design and had personally created my own garment made of wool crepe, red to be exact. What a freaking Ding Dong! I don’t recall if I had ambitions to write back then but it didn’t matter, I chose to slink back to my seat never to dream of seeing my words on paper again. I wish I still had that paper, but at the time I felt so ashamed, worthless, and embarrassed that I crumpled it up and threw it away. For many years after, I felt so limited in my ability to write that sometimes I couldn’t even piece together a cohesive email. This is only one example of where in my life I let other people’s opinions matter.
The power of other people’s opinions can alter our beliefs in ourselves in so many areas of life. And sometimes we wear these beliefs like badges of honor giving them far too much credit for “the way we are or that’s just the way it is.” It’s simply not true!
These limiting beliefs, seeded by presumably well-intentioned people, can create havoc that not only holds us back from our dreams, but they also seep into the very fabric of our relationships, inhibit our success, and interfere in communications with others. By hanging on to these beliefs we actively participate in the very actions that keep us from evolving and growing into who we want to be.
Identifying, understanding, and overcoming our limiting beliefs is a great place to start building awareness of how our past thinking has stifled our success. Learning is awesome but more importantly, application of the knowledge is essential if you want to let go and see real change in your life.
