When I was little, my entire family called me Shelley. I was Shelley to my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbor kids, and more. And for me, last names were only used for differentiating which set of grandparents were being referred to—i.e. Grandma Heffron or Grandma Gamache. I don’t think I made the connection that Heffron was somehow attached to my name until the first day of First Grade at St. Paul’s School in Yakima.
In a classroom filled with a bunch of kids I didn’t know, all dressed in their school uniforms, Sister Mary Margaret was taking attendance. As she made her way through to the alphabet, the name Michèle Heffron was called. It didn’t ring a bell, so I didn’t respond. Again, she called Michèle Heffron, and again, I didn’t respond. So, the know-it-all boy in front of me turned around noting the name tag taped on the desk, and pointing at me, asked “isn’t that you?” (busybody, alphabet-knowing, over-achiever!)
For the first time, at the ripe old age of 6, I learned my real name! What else didn’t I know? First grade was sure to bring on new insights! That evening during dinner, my dad asked about my first day of school, and with all the courage I could muster up, said “it would have been nice if someone had told me my name was Michèle Heffron.”
What I had learned up until then was that my name was Shelley. I had no reason to believe otherwise. It’s a silly story, but in truth, it illustrates how our own beliefs and perceptions in life are formed.
If we’ve learned or been conditioned to believe something is true, then it’s true for us…it doesn’t make it a fact,it just means it’s true for us. For example, if you’re told things like girls aren’t good at math, or boys shouldn’t cry, or children should be seen and not heard, or your race or culture is superior/inferior to others, or nothing ever good happens, or marriage is hard, or you must work 10 hours a day to make any decent money, or you’re a bully/nice girl/screw-up, etc. you begin to believe and to behave that way.
And why do we do this? So many reasons really, but mostly because that’s what we’ve learned, and we choose to believe it.
Sadly, most of our beliefs and perceptions, in fact upwards of 95% of them, become rooted in our subconscious minds and are pretty much running the show for us and we don’t even know it! Thus, when you’re trying to make some changes in your life, like losing a few pounds, eliminating unwanted or unhealthy habits, or experiencing a major life or career transition, you might get off to a good start only to find yourself falling back into your old ways just a few days or weeks (or hours) into the process. Typically, this has to do with your subconscious mind getting a hold of you saying things like “you’re too weak/stupid/lazy, etc. and will never change so you may as well give up now. Some people will try to convince you of having a lack of willpower, but really there’s a bit more to it.
To your credit, change is uncomfortable. That’s why people in the personal growth industry say things like “you have to get out of your comfort zone and become someone else in order to change”. Easier said than done!
What you often don’t hear is that you must make a non-negotiable decision about becoming who you want to be and then behave as if your goal is already fulfilled—i.e. envisioning yourself already weighing 20 pounds less for example. And this requires daily application until it becomes engrained in your subconscious mind. It also requires believing in yourself and being willing to try some new things—like meditation, serious self-reflection, and getting help from someone like a coach.
Honestly, I could go on and on about this because over the years, I’ve become obsessed with creating change in my own life and now help others who are ready to do the same in theirs. I’ve also learned through the process of evolving and expanding that it’s a process and as much as I’d like to think I’ve got it all down, I’m constantly finding opportunities for growth.
If you are ready to start becoming the person you desire to be and don’t know where to start, schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about how the support of a coach can help you get from where you are to where you want to be. Send me an email or simply schedule time here to get started on your new life.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
One fear that stands out for me is spiders. Yes, spiders.
I understand it’s not rational that a tiny little creature doesn’t really stand a chance against a grown up human person. But apparently, somewhere in my past, I learned spiders were scary and therefore I decided to be afraid of the little 8-legged, multi-eyed creepy critters.
My best guess is that this irrational fear was unintentionally passed on to me by my mother, who would go to great lengths to declare our house as a spider-free zone. One would think, having grown up living and working on a farm with crops, animals, and limited niceties, might have been a little braver in her approach to spiders. But not so much. Instead, she made sure the task of spider-annihilation was aptly assigned to my dad or some unsuspecting neighbor kid.
At a very young age, I learned spiders were dangerous, scary, and needed to be avoided at all costs. Then to reinforce this learned behavior, while in the 1st grade at St. Paul’s School in Yakima, a rumor surfaced that one the older kids had released an entire jar full of Black Widow spiders on the school ground; and, if bitten, a kid could count on sudden death right there on the playground. My schoolmates and I were terrified of recess for a week!
Now, don’t even get me started on how ridiculous this rumor was. First, how in the world did that kid get a hold of one Black Widow spider let alone an entire jar full of them? Really?
And secondly, everyone knows that Black Widow spiders are typically active at night, and that they avoid open spaces like concrete playgrounds filled with screaming kids at all costs.
Did this rationale convince me? No, no.
Then along came movies like the Giant Spider Invasion (1975); the attacking spiders in Jumanji (1995); the enormous spiders in Stephen King’s The Mist (2007); the toxic spiders starring in 8-Legged Freaks (2002); and the granddaddy of them all, Aragog in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002).
Case closed. Spiders are scary. I was convinced.
And as a good mother, what did I do? I passed this irrational fear right on to my kids, of course. So much so that they now have developed the same irrational fear of spiders.
When one of the big hairy brown Wolf Spiders that used to waltz into our house, stop in the kitchen for a bag of chips and knock over the dog dish before settling itself in the middle of the family room, I was known to have sprayed a half-can of RAID on the intruder to ensure it was completely coated in white foam (no hiding that way), then sucking him up with the vacuum and letting it run for the next 45 minutes while standing on the couch with the kids and the dog, leaving no question of the spider’s demise. Even into his high school years, my son and I would argue about whose turn it was to rid our dwelling of an uninvited arachnid who had made the dyer mistake of venturing into enemy territory.
And while this example may sound silly, it illustrates what happens in our little minds at the very youngest age that we senselessly carry into adulthood. The beliefs and perceptions we’ve picked up along the way are engrained into our subconscious minds that often lead to the way we behave in our adult lives. Many of these behaviors aren’t aligned with who we really are and what we truly desire, and yet they keep showing up, holding us back from creating healthy relationships, careers we love, and lifestyles that bring us joy.
These false beliefs from our past can trigger us to do or say stupid things, binge eat, overspend, stay in bad relationships, and keep us from achieving our goals. And we don’t even know these thoughts are rambling around in our heads messing around with our lives.
It’s only by investigating these uninvestigated thoughts and beliefs, deciding we desire something different, and are willing to take responsibility for our own happiness, do we begin to see how detaching from our past can catapult us into the present, and ultimately setting us free to create a new story for our future.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
A few nights ago, I was drawn into a documentary that chronicled the making of Jennifer Lopez’s recent film project spanning 20 years, 4 marriages, and reuniting with and marrying Ben Affleck, the long-time love of her life. She wrote an entire album revealing a very vulnerable heart and the emotional turbulence she felt in the years since their first engagement was abruptly canceled 3 days before their wedding day. I don’t follow a lot of celebrity gossip and barely recall her broken engagement to Ben years earlier but apparently if you’re a J-Lo fan, it was a thing.
The point of this story has nothing to do with her marriages, though I must admit, she’s a true testament of how resilience gives us a perspective for taking our experiences and using them as lessons learned to bounce forward to a better life.
The real point is that J-Lo was inspired to write her story, share it in film with the world, and through the process share her deepest and darkest moments as a human being trying to figure out life.
Oh, and did I mention the movie was going to cost A LOT of money? $30 million! And when not a single major studio would agree to fund the project and this concept, J-Lo remained undaunted in her determination to make this film happen. She stood up and said what any woman hell-bent on making her dream come to fruition would say “fine, I’ll pay for it myself”.
And when everyone around her said “No! You can’t use your own money to fund a project of this magnitude!”
At that moment, you could see her heart speaking and she said out loud “Bet on yourself, Jen”. I paused the movie and jotted that that important line in my journal.
Bet on yourself!
J-Lo risked everything by going against every other voice saying she was committing business suicide, she held her ground, believed in herself, and production was underway a few short weeks later.
This message rings so true for me and for so many people even in seemingly insignificant decisions we make every day. And when everyone around you is saying things like “are you crazy, what are you thinking?” or “who are you to go back to school at your age?” or “you can’t leave him, what will you do to support yourself?” or, my personal favorite “what do you know about running a business, making money, leaving your stable job…shouldn’t you be thinking of retirement?”
I ended up watching the remainder of the show and went on to watch the finished product. As a woman who has learned to listen to my heart, I can only say J-Lo’s brilliance shined through and her message was heard loud and clear. By betting on herself, she also learned to love herself—every part. From my own personal experience, I understand loving oneself—every part—is not always easy, especially when it includes the dark parts too.
When we let all the other voices go—past and present—and believe in ourselves and our dreams enough to do something about them, when we bet on ourselves and become titanium in our resolve to listen to our hearts, we can do wonderous things.
Don’t let other people stop you with their own fears and stories of what’s right for you. And if the overwhelm of all the other voices keeps you from following your heart, get help and get clear on your dreams and desires before you forget who you are and what you’re meant for.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
What does a healthy relationship really look like?
Where do I start?
Making the decision to either stay in your marriage or to pursue divorce can be overwhelming for anyone and doesn’t need to be made alone.
Get help from a trusted professional.
Get the facts.
Understand the process and what to expect.
Prepare yourself so you can make an emotionally stable and fully informed decision about moving forward whether you choose to stay or choose to leave.
This virtual workshop is for you if:
You are considering or have been contemplating divorce and don’t know where to start.
You have started the process or are somewhere between filing and stuck in the overwhelming amount of paperwork keeping you from moving forward to a settlement.
You are feeling coerced by your soon-to-be ex, their attorney or yours.
These are all the questions I wished I’d had answered for me nearly 15 years ago during my divorce.
Through my own lived experience and extensive training as a certified divorce coach, this workshop will provide a foundation to help you make an informed decision and about what’s best for you.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
About this time every year I start getting a little excited about the arrival of springtime! Even here in the Pacific Northwest, the gloomy darkness of winter is making way for extended daylight hours, and the occasional flicker of hope contained in the warmth of a sunny day is enough to spark a frenzy of people to gather at our local park.
When that thick layer of clouds that’s been cluttering up the atmosphere fades away and the clear, blue sky illuminates what has always been there but was hidden away over the winter, my perspective on life seems to shift as well. I feel more hopeful and optimistic about my day and what’s ahead for me.
It’s amazing what a little clarity can do for a person!
This is a fitting analogy for how decluttering one’s life works. Like when you clear out your overflowing closet or sort through and eliminate that unused stuff in your garage so your poor car can have a proper home, you can’t help but feel freer, lighter, and maybe even a little richer if you’ve been able to sell any of it!
Over the years and through some major downsizing along with a few monumental changes in life, decluttering and clearing out has become a regular ritual for me; one that isn’t relegated to “when I get around to it”.
And what I’ve noticed and become aware of, is that when I declutter and clear out a bunch of unnecessary and unused material possessions, my whole sense of being begins to feel uncluttered too.
Sure, I’ve gone into this work kicking and screaming from time to time, but when I decided to finally let go of what was cluttering my physical world, I could feel an immediate shift in everything inside and all around me.
And what’s really cool about this process is that when you clear out space whether in your closet or in your mind and heart, you actually make room for something better to come into that space. Maybe it’s a new pair of shoes or even better, maybe it’s a new relationship, a new job, more money, or an upgraded lifestyle.
One of the things I love most about what I do as a coach, is to witness the incredible transformation I see when my clients begin to move beyond the thick layer of clouds—the sordid collection of excuses, fears, limiting beliefs, and other obstacles—that have blocked out the clear blue sky filled with possibilities and opportunities that sit waiting for an invitation to join the party called life.
Whatever might be cluttering up your world, it’s a whole lot easier to have someone in your corner who can help you sort out what stays and what goes.
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
Are Your 2024 Goals Still Intact? A Personal Invitation to Transform Your Life Awaits!
Here we are, February 21st, a mere 52 days into the year.
How are you doing on your goals for 2024?
Have you made a dent in that 10, 20, or 30 pounds you were so eager to lose?
Have you set in motion a plan to transition out of the job or relationship that’s left you feeling like a prisoner in your own life?
Have you signed up for a gym membership and somehow forgotten how to get yourself there each morning?
It happens so don’t beat yourself over it or make the same old excuses for not following through. The simple truth is that making a change—large or small—requires more than just thinking about or writing a list of ambitious desires on a piece of paper.
Change requires deciding to change who you are being. To decide is to literally “cut off” leaving you with no options for turning back. No wonder we find it so hard to stick to our goals. It’s uncomfortable and a little scary!
Trust me, I’ve not only been there, but I’ve also been known to pretend to make a decision knowing all along I had no intention of following through with what it would take to make the goal come to fruition.
And in this world of immediate gratification, where we expect the instantaneous results of a 2-hour Amazon delivery, setting and achieving long-term (or even short-term) goals takes commitment and grit.
I found that deciding to get some help by investing in myself made a huge difference for me. Afterall, if I was so serious about wanting to change and actually putting my own finances on the line, I was committed to doing whatever it took to pull my head out of the dark end to see what else was possible.
If you are ready to find out just how limitless you are, could use a little help in the area of implementing real change in your life and are open to opportunities for growth, let’s connect for a confidential and complimentary consultation today. It’s easy. It’s free. Your new life is waiting for you to start! Email michele@micheleheffron.com or schedule time on my calendar here.
Love & Light,
p.s. As I expand my reach, I invite you to forward this message to others in your network. Thank you!
Michèle Heffron is a certified life, relationship & divorce coach whose mission is to empower women through life transitions to discover their purpose and create the life they desire. Her work stems from her life experiences and the lessons learned while paving her own path to empowerment. Michèle lives in Bellevue, Washington and serves clients in all 50 states.
