A while back, I ran into a friend who made a rather tactless and insensitive remark to me in the aftermath of a relationship that didn’t work out.  

She said “Well, you knew what you were getting into!” 

Really? Does anyone know what they’re getting into when they fall in love?  

Was I being judged? Yep!  

Presumably, she thought this callous statement would somehow offer some comforting support to a friend in need or she simply needed to make herself feel superior because, clearly, she was far too sensible to ever find herself in a similar situation.  

Spare me! 

The truth is people often offer their uninvited and frequently uncaring comments and advice to others who may be going through some life-changing or traumatic event in life. I see this so much with my clients who are going through divorce, juggling difficult relationships or family dynamics, and are just trying to make it through a day at a time. There is no shortage of people who think they’re being helpful by saying the stupidest things.   

Here are some of my personal favorites: 

“He is such an @$&hole! He doesn’t deserve you and you’ll find someone so much better.” 

“What ever compelled you to marry him in the first place? Hire a shark for an attorney and rake him over the coals.” 

“I always thought she was a b!#&h—such a princess! She was just in it for the money.” 

“What are you going to do now? How will you survive? You haven’t worked in 15 years, and you’ve got the kids to take care of!” 

“Let’s set up a dating profile for you and get you back out there!” 

Look, if you have a friend or family member dealing with something difficult and you don’t know what to say, either say nothing and save them from your unconscious, self-important discourse or ask them “How can I best support you?” And then be quiet and listen. It’s so simple.  

People who are going through tough times need love, kindness, and support from friends and family rather than hurtful comments wrapped up under the guise of concern and affirmations of how cruddy they already feel. Think about how you would feel if you were in their shoes. What would be helpful for you to hear?  

If you happen to be on the receiving end of some of these unsavory comments and could use some help navigating yourself into a better place, give me a call or schedule a free consultation with me today and discover a more graceful strategy and some tools for resiliency for your life-transition.

Love and Light,

Michele 

Divorce can feel like the emotional equivalent of running a marathon with a pebble in your shoe. It’s exhausting, painful, and by the end, you just want to scream. But hold on! Before you channel your inner Godzilla, let’s navigate this tricky path with some grace and maybe even a smile. Here’s a playful yet earnest guide to what you should never, ever do to your partner when going through a divorce. 

1. Don’t Play the Blame Game

“Who’s to blame for this divorce?” With this approach, everyone loses. Pointing fingers only deepens wounds. Instead, focus on constructive communication, moving through the process and taking a step back to acknowledge where you may have contributed to the destruction of your marriage.  

2. Avoid Airing Dirty Laundry on Social Media

Yes, we know, those cryptic Facebook posts are tempting. But before you post, remember that social media is not your personal diary and truly it just makes you look ugly. Vent to a close friend or a coach, not your 500 followers. 

3. Don’t Weaponize the Kids

Children are not pawns in your chess game—spare them from your inability to control yourself or badmouthing your ex.  Your kids need love and stability, not to be caught in the crossfire. Keep them out of adult drama and prioritize their well-being.  

4. Say No to Spy Games

Hiring a private investigator or snooping through your partner’s email or phone might seem like a thrilling detective mission, but it only breeds distrust and more heartache. Respect privacy and set healthy boundaries for yourself. If you think your privacy is being breached, protect your technology by changing your passwords, separating accounts, and disabling tracking on your devices ASAP.  

5. Don’t Empty the Bank Account

Draining the joint account might feel like a quick win, but it’s a surefire way to escalate tensions. Be fair and transparent about finances and seek professional guidance for a clean break. This is so important because even if you don’t think he or she deserves anything, the fact is that everyone needs financial support during such a difficult time.  

6. Resist the Urge to Trash Talk

We all know those people who just can’t stop talking about how they’ve been wronged by their partner at every opportunity to share. Gossiping about your partner to friends or family or the poor clerk in the grocery store might offer temporary relief, but it ultimately poisons relationships and can come back to bite you. Speak kindly or not at all. 

7. Avoid Dating Too Soon

Rebounding can complicate an already tangled web of emotions and you get yourself into the similar situation with a person who has many of the same behavioral traits as your ex. Give yourself time to heal and rediscover who you are and who you need to be before jumping back into the dating pool. 

8. Don’t Make Major Life Changes

Getting involved in a new romantic relationship, moving to a new city or switching careers right in the middle of a divorce or taking on a major project can add unnecessary stress. Focus on stability and take life one step at a time. 

9. Skip the Petty Revenge

Hiding the TV remote, “accidentally” forgetting to feed the fish, or other acts of minor (or major) sabotage might seem funny in the moment but ultimately damage any hope of an amicable separation.  

10. Don’t Ignore Self-Care

Amidst all the chaos, it’s easy to neglect yourself. Prioritize your mental and physical health. Take up a new hobby, exercise, or simply spend time with loved ones who lift you up. 

Navigating the Storm with Grace 

Divorce is a tumultuous journey, but it doesn’t have to be a battle. It is possible to handle divorce with grace and compassion. It takes self-respect and a whole lot of patience, but it can be done!  

In the end, the goal is to part ways with as much peace and respect as possible. It’s not just about surviving the storm but coming out on the other side ready to embrace a new beginning. So, keep calm, stay kind, and remember there’s a brighter future waiting for you. 

If you could use a little help understanding how a coach could change your life, schedule a free consultation today. Together, we will discover what’s possible for you.  

Love and Light,

Michèle

In his teachings, the great Lao Tzu said

“Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures…Patience with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are.”  

It is also said that patience is a virtue. And I suppose patience can be virtuous, but as I’ve gradually discovered, patience is essential if happiness is one’s primary goal in life.   

The wisdom behind the words of this great teacher goes far beyond virtues and takes a deep dive into the wondrous world of the unknown, embracing the natural flow and flexibility of nature. This wisdom teaches us the importance of patience and trust in life’s unfolding, emphasizing the value of waiting for things to happen as they are meant to. It cautions against taking uninspired and immediate action driven by fear and anxiety, which can lead to further complications and confusion in already challenging situations. By aligning ourselves with the wisdom found in patience, we learn to navigate life’s uncertainties with grace and clarity, allowing for a more harmonious and fulfilling journey. 

Think about how easy it is to lash out at someone who doesn’t agree with your point of view, or how quickly you react to your kids, your spouse, your co-workers when they don’t do or see something “your way?” By trying to control or force an outcome through overthinking, oversharing, or my personal favorite, by bolting or “taking your ball and going home because someone else is winning” you essentially block yourself and those around you from opening up to less stressful and more pleasurable ways of resolving issues.  

Sure, it’s so much easier (and dare I say temporarily gratifying) to take immediate action by launching the first snarky comment, jumping to conclusions, trying to “fix” things/people, and clinging to uninvestigated perceptions as facts. In most cases, practicing patience yields a solution unfolding and being revealed in an unexpected way without all the angst and discomfort.  

During my divorce, the initial wave of fear and anxiety pushed me towards hasty decisions, many of which have resulted in long-term and unfavorable consequences. Had I understood the wisdom of allowing life to unfold naturally, I would have paused and embraced the uncertainty, trusting that clarity would come in time. I don’t mean to say that patience would have been the solution to fixing my marriage, though it may have softened the blow dramatically.  

Ultimately, clarity did come but only when I let go of my need to be “right” and began to see the path forward that had earlier been shrouded by the cloudiness of my own inability to exercise patience.   

As it turns out, by adopting patience as an essential part of life—who I am—I discovered my purpose. A discovery I could never have found when I was pushing my way through the world trying to make things happen.  

If you could use a little help understanding how patience could change your life, schedule a free consultation today. Together, we will discover what’s possible for you.  

Love and Light,

Michèle